Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Reader Submission: TelePrompTer® Made Me Say It…

From Brycom52:
A Candid Interview with the President of the United States.
Reporter #1. “Good morning, Mr. President. Thank you for visiting with us on the important topic of your communications with the American People, as well as the rest of the world.”

The Prez. “Uh…just a moment..I still need to consult with my advisors to see how much of this will go on the record….uhhhh…okay, you may proceed with the questions, but, understand that I may be called away to supper at any moment!”

Reporter #2. “As you were the time you left Prime Minister Netanyahu of Israel cooling his heels in the Outer Office while you went up to the Residence to dine with the First Lady and the girls?”

The Prez. “Uhhhh, yeah, uh, I mean, yes…you don’t want to mess with Michelle when she’s in one of her moods! Wait, a minute, can we strike that? I mean, she’s gonna be really ticked when she sees this in print! Ya’ know, “If Momma ain’t happy…?

Reporter #1. “ We follow the rules..Mr. President. The transcript will be referred to Jay Carney’s department before the final remarks are published. Now, down to issues. Soon after your Inaugeration, you embarked on a World Tour which the Media dubbed “The World Apology Tour.” Looking back, do you really think it was necessary to apologize to world leaders, most of whom hate us anyway, and in such a groveling manner? You were almost a supplicant! And the bowing? As you kissed their….rings?”

The Prez. “Well, I had a prepared statement for that, but could I just tell you guys what really happened?”

Reporter #2. “Oh, goody! An Exclusive!”

The Prez. “Okay…here goes….uhhh, PrompTer® made me say it!

Reporter#1. “C’mon, Mr. President! It’s just a machine! It can’t “make” you do or say anything!” Can it?”

The Prez. “Shhh…it might hear you!” Actually, PrompTer® is a very important part of my Staff…right up there with the Chief of Staff!”

Reporter #2. “Who is…?”

The Prez. “Uhhh, actually, I forget! After Rahm left, this place has been a shambles. Actually, I think we left the Chief behind after our last Taxpayer funded Fund raising Junket, and he’s still trying to get a flight out!”

Reporter#1. “So, back to the story at hand….you claim that you are held hostage to your TelePrompTer®…that you can’t say anything, or do anything without its permission? I thought somebody had to load the speeches into it!”

The Prez. “You would think! But this model came equipped with all of my speeches and the dates to be delivered for the whole four years. You gotta believe me! I have been a prisoner here! One time, after I gave the speech where the Prompter crashed to the floor, after the guys picked it up…I swear this is true…I am not making this up…the next line said, “Don’t read the following…the next time this happens, you will not be able to go on a golf outing again!” Trust me, we made sure she never fell down again!”

Reporter #2. “You say “she”…like it’s alive…”

The Prez. “She IS, I tell you….it’s spooky. Sometimes they will have it sitting in front of the desk in the Oval, and it lights up, starts scrolling by itself, and actually asked me what happened after I was overheard spilling my guts to Medvedev in Paris! I almost fell off of my chair!”

Reporter #1. “Well, that certainly would have explained a lot of the strange things that have gone on over here since you came into Office. Hmmm, so, the change of policy vis-à-vis Israel?”

The Prez. “ That was her!”

Reporter #2 “And all of these Executive Orders that couldn’t pass Constitutional muster with Felix Frankfurter, God rest his soul?”

The Prez. “Her, too!. Hey, you guys ever see the Stephen King movie “Christine”?

Reporter #1. “About the car? Are you trying to say that your TelePrompTer® is…possessed, Mr. President?”

The Prez. “Shhhh, yeah…that’s it…that’s my Story and I’m sticking to it! One time, when I was giving the bust of Churchill back to the British and a bunch of worthless DVD’s to the Prime Minister, it was UNPLUGGED, and it was still lit up! Some of us here at the White House think she’s possessed by the spirit of Madeline Albright!”

Reporter #1. “Uh, Mr. President…Madeline Albright is still alive!”

Reporter #2. “ What about the Immigration policy on the 18-35 year-old Hispanics and the ending of work requirements for Welfare recipients?”

The Prez. “No, those were mine. I have to leave some kind of legacy, don’t I?”

Reporter#1. “Well, we certainly have a Scoop here today! I don’t know how much of this we can print, though…uhh, Mr. President, if this comes out, aren’t you going to be in a lot of trouble? I mean….”

The Prez. “ Actually, no. We have loaned her out until after the election.”

Reporter #2. “Loaned her? To whom?”

The Prez. “Prime Minister Bashir Assad of Syria. He looked like he could use all the help he could get!”

Reporter #1. But you just gave non-military aid to the Rebels, and it just got leaked…”

The Prez. “Exactly!

Reporter#1 and #2, simultaneously: “Thank you, Mr. President!”

No comments:

Post a Comment