And Barry Wept: a New Novel from Walkingdead

The Following is an excerpt from my new novel that I'm currently writing.  It will be available digital only because publishers are stupid and don't want to touch my fan-fic at all for some dumb reason.

Chapter 1

What to do when you're not doing anything

The president sat in the oval office, lights dimmed, and the temperature set a cool 82 degrees. This was customary for him as he is a native of Kenya Hawaii. A stern scowl was warn on his face. Normally after his minimum 32 holes were reached for the day he had a spring in his step. Unfortunately for him with the democratic national convention in full swing (pun intended) he wasn't able to make par, and his handicap went up to 12.

The door opened slowly, a man in his late 50's entered, nearly going bald and sporting a mustache that could only be classified as “almost Freddy Mercury like”. “Mr president, I have some bad news” he said as he slowly strolled in to the room. “What is it David, I'm still thinking about that par 4 in the first round, I should have used a 3 iron”. “Mr president, I have the jobs report, now its important to know that we can spin this like usual, but it's not good”. Obama's scowl got even scowlier as he knew the bad news was coming.

“how high did it go up David”? “well Mr president, it went down actually. About .2 percentage points, that's the good news”, he said as he started to crack a smile. Obama leaned back in his chair, looking super sweet doing it to, because as well all know, that guy is ridiculously cool and what not.

“well I don't understand David”, he said with a perplexed look on his face. “If it went down whats the bad news”? David or D-train is he has been called in the past by his friends due to his need for murdering hobo's near the railroad tracks sat down and politely said. “Mr president, less than 100 thousand new jobs were created. Almost 400 thousand people dropped off of unemployment for either exhausting it all, or giving up looking for work”.

The president stood up in a really cool way, one of those ways that says to people “hey I'm the 'effin president, and I'm really cool”. “David, how are we going to spin this, should we just use the normal republicans are racist line”? D-train thought about it for a minute, then a light bulb went off, everyone scrambled to clean it up because it was one of those new light bulbs with mercury in it and they were like really freakin out.

“Mr president”, he said in a stern voice. "Tonight when you give your speech; DON'T SAY A WORD"!