And Barry Wept: An Excerpt part 3

This is the third excerpt from my fan-fic political thriller.  I was going to release it through e-book soon, but I’m talking to a number of publishers now… and some of them may be real, But probably not.

Chapter 3

To debate a mockingbird

The president sat in the oval office looking over a list of documents that could only be described as (campaign related cuz why would it be about his job).  The president inhaled, then exhaled, then inhaled again.  His regulated breathing was off, and he knew this due to his super awesome health that was way better than Paul Ryan’s.  He stood up from his seat and could feel a tingle in the air, not to dissimilar than the one Chris Mathew’s gets every time he gives a speech. 

Dark storm clouds began to gather, and out of nowhere lighting began to strike.  The president was perplexed; storms weren't on the horizon for the day.  He knew this because he checked the weather before his 9 am and 2 pm T times. 

All of a sudden, like out of no where and what not, a man burst through the door.  “Mr. President I presume”?  “Yes” Obama said in a cool way, because that’s what he does and I totally can’t stress that enough. 

And Barry Wept: An Excerpt Part 2

so this is another excerpt from my novel, I hope you enjoy it.  this part took me almost 20 minutes to write so you better appreciate it.

chapter 2

And the Biden Played On

The sun was beating down on the 12th hole with an intense heat that could only come from global warming, and totally not summer at all. The president stretched out a bit as his secret service detail looked around for suspicious activity in the area. Normally on a man, khaki shorts are a bit unflattering, but this man made them (ironically) work.

Still sitting in the golf cart, Joe Biden could be seen getting frustrated with angry birds on his cell phone. “THIS GAME CHEATS BARACK!" "I know Joe, its not fair for you. Next week I'll have my team call the boys and they can program a new version for you”.

“Jim, Steve, are we all set here?” said the president. “Yes sir, the area is safe."

"Safer than a Libyan consulate I would imagine.” Everyone turned at Joe and looked at him like he was a jerk, because that joke was way too soon. “Now Joe, we don't say things like that in public. It's not polite” the president said with a stern look on his face.

“Oh I know, but, c'mon it was funny, I was thinking of using it at my next stump speech”.

“Joe I don't think that's a good idea, now lets move on, we're only on our first round and we need to get another one in before I start doing my job”. Joe looked a bit puzzled, “Barack, don't you think that maybe you should take this presidency thing a bit more serious? I mean unemployment is still about eight percent, there is chaos in the middle east, we're about to get our credit downgraded again, and Mitt Romney is nipping at our heels in the polls; and you know, I really should be preparing for that debate with Paul Ryan”.

The president cracked a cool and calm smile, because that's what he does and people love him for it. “Joe, don't worry about any of that. Soon we're going to have an army of reporters doing our dirty work for us in exposing Mitt and Paul as the racist homophobes they are”.

“But Barack,” Joe said with a puzzled look on his face, “ I don't think they are racist, or homophobic”. The president cracked an even bigger smile on his face, “Joe, that doesn't matter at all... that doesn't matter at all”.

Then he started cackling loudly with an evil fiendish laugh and out of nowhere thunder and lighting started striking and stuff

And Barry Wept: a New Novel from Walkingdead

The Following is an excerpt from my new novel that I'm currently writing.  It will be available digital only because publishers are stupid and don't want to touch my fan-fic at all for some dumb reason.

Chapter 1

What to do when you're not doing anything

The president sat in the oval office, lights dimmed, and the temperature set a cool 82 degrees. This was customary for him as he is a native of Kenya Hawaii. A stern scowl was warn on his face. Normally after his minimum 32 holes were reached for the day he had a spring in his step. Unfortunately for him with the democratic national convention in full swing (pun intended) he wasn't able to make par, and his handicap went up to 12.

The door opened slowly, a man in his late 50's entered, nearly going bald and sporting a mustache that could only be classified as “almost Freddy Mercury like”. “Mr president, I have some bad news” he said as he slowly strolled in to the room. “What is it David, I'm still thinking about that par 4 in the first round, I should have used a 3 iron”. “Mr president, I have the jobs report, now its important to know that we can spin this like usual, but it's not good”. Obama's scowl got even scowlier as he knew the bad news was coming.

“how high did it go up David”? “well Mr president, it went down actually. About .2 percentage points, that's the good news”, he said as he started to crack a smile. Obama leaned back in his chair, looking super sweet doing it to, because as well all know, that guy is ridiculously cool and what not.

“well I don't understand David”, he said with a perplexed look on his face. “If it went down whats the bad news”? David or D-train is he has been called in the past by his friends due to his need for murdering hobo's near the railroad tracks sat down and politely said. “Mr president, less than 100 thousand new jobs were created. Almost 400 thousand people dropped off of unemployment for either exhausting it all, or giving up looking for work”.

The president stood up in a really cool way, one of those ways that says to people “hey I'm the 'effin president, and I'm really cool”. “David, how are we going to spin this, should we just use the normal republicans are racist line”? D-train thought about it for a minute, then a light bulb went off, everyone scrambled to clean it up because it was one of those new light bulbs with mercury in it and they were like really freakin out.

“Mr president”, he said in a stern voice. "Tonight when you give your speech; DON'T SAY A WORD"!