State Department Leaks: Iran

And the freeing of the documents continues.  I feel like Julian Assange.  So sexy. 

Here is what appears to be an e-mail exchange between Barak and Hillary about their carefully crafted Iran policy.

Hey Bill's Wife,

Guess what?  You get to deal with this too.  You know, if you would just learn how to caddy like a good little girl, you wouldn't have to deal with these messes :)

Achmedinejad is really becoming a giant pain in my sphincter.  I thought it was bad after we made the huge mistake of telling him he was all glowy while he was speaking at the UN.  We were just kidding. It was a joke, but he took it all serious.  Then he was all like, follow me, do things in my name, I'm one of the nails of the hidden imam, beeyatches.  And I was like, whatever.  Stupid Shiite!

But it seems he has way too much time on his hands, and he's gone back to get a business degree online at Stephens Henager.  You know that old saying?  I'm pretty sure it's from Sura 37 or one of the hadiths.  I'm not sure. I never could make it past Sura 14 (snooze-o-rama).  Anyway, you know that old saying: If the only tool you have is a sword, all your problems look like necks.  Well, Achmedinejad has really grasped the goat by the ears.  Now he's all, six sigma this, and TQM that, and I just want to bury him up to his neck and hurl copies of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People at him until dead.

I've been getting about a dozen e-mails from him a day pressuring me to come to Iran and attend his Jihadi Management Training Seminar.  Get a load of his introduction.

“My muhajedeen,to break through the paradigmic mindset, we have to develop value-guided synergies aligned with the long range Quranic benchmarks.”

Then he tries to entice me with his basic Six Point Roadmap to Paradise.

1. Champion Goal-Oriented Value Statements For Dis-Headening  Zionist Pig-Dogs
2. Develop a Synergistic Strategic Map For Driving the Kaffir from Sumeria.
3. Build Mindshare with Six-Sigma QC Decapitation Processes Through Quality by Design
4. Implement Adaptive Win-Lose-Draw Initiative for Multi-Regional Caliphate Orientation
5. Get Strategic Buy-in Aligned with Mission-Oriented Objectives To Break Down Hemispheric Martyr Projections
6. Organize Base System Links for Result-Focused Global Sharia ISO 9000 Implementation.

Then he attached 75 powerpoint slides of this crap that made me want to volunteer for my own martyrdom just to end the misery. 

Just how in the name of Prophet's Brother does this help us restore the caliphate?  Makes me want to march down to Tehran and go full Medina on this retard. 

With love,

The Obamanitor

Hey One-Term-Wonder,

To appease Achmedinejad (appeasement it still our official stance, right?), I did what he wanted.  I took a team over to Tehran for his seminar.  We tried out his team building exercise.  It involved seeing which team could build the largest bridge from a bag of popsicle sticks, matches, scented candles and styrofoam balls.  It was a bloodbath.  There was a lot of ululating.  Team Falcon won. I'm going to need about 16 more interns now.  Stupid Shiite!

With regards,

Your Future POTUS