Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Moses is Vindicated

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

Newly-Elected NRA President James Porter’s First Act…

#5 rodney dill:  …make a powerpoint add for congress with lots and lots of bullets in it. [was that supposed to be "ad", rodney?  Grammar Hammer :P]

#4 can of spam: …will be to form a truce, then alliance with the $&^#ing libertarian thieves.

#3 blarg: …went to Mexico and took back Obama's apology. [can of spam added: "at gunpoint"]

#2 Steve H :… will be to return fire.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Bob in Feenicks:

Newly-Elected NRA President James Porter’s First Act…was the ceremonial return of Charlton Heston’s gun to his cold, dead hand.

COOKIES to Bob in Feenicks!
(Bob, do you have a favorite kind?...can of spam still needs to round up some macadamia nuts for his prize)


I need your help, guys. When I saw the video in this post I knew, as the "new" judge, I needed to challenge Keln (the really OLD judge) to some kind of battle of wits.  Can you help me think of something awesome?  Lots and LOTS of cookies to the best idea...Make your suggestions in the comments of Live Long and Prosper --- A CHALLENGE.  You guys are the best :)

I love it when you guys comment on my NP lines. :)  Here are my favorite responses to:

If Republican Senator Ted Cruz is a "schoolyard bully" then [fill in the name of a Progressive] is a ...

#3 Dohtimes: ...Bill Clinton is a vice principal at an all girls school.

#2 Oppo: ... the cussed toady-enne is Janitor Napolitano. [I'm picturing Professor Umbridge :) ]

and my favorite line was from can of spam:

If Republican Senator Ted Cruz is a "schoolyard bully" then... Biden is the kid who actually puts his tongue on the freezing flag pole. (And not even needing a triple dog dare, first!)

more COOKIES to can of spam!

(I NEED some help finding macadamia nuts...)

Here's a new line for you to try:

To what kind of Battle of Wits should Anonymiss challenge Keln?


  1. ...probably one at 50% capacity.

  2. ...Somehow I imagine it'll involve the phrase "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see."

  3. ... something involving baking cookies, of course!

    [Good call on the NRA straight line -- Bob in Feenicks' line was laugh-out-loud funny for me.]

  4. ... all you have to do is figure out which cookie has the poison in it. Then you both eat, and one of you is right, and one of you is dead.

  5. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder...

    1. Playing fair is for suckers.

  6. ...well it seems a little unfair, Keln being a dude and all... Oh, you said a battle of WITS. -Nevermind.

    1. P.S. I like chocolate chip cookies.

    2. I just made a double batch of those yesterday! Hmm.
      How do we do this? If I send some:

      To: Bob
      Feenicks, USA

      Do you think those fine undesignated gender government mail carriers will find you? :) Or do I need better info?

  7. would never happen Anonymiss is far to gracious to carry on a battle of wits with an unarmed man...

  8. ...well it certainly should be conducted in a civil manner, probably over tea, then it can be known as the Battle of Tea Wits.

  9. How about movie trivia?

    * What movie featured the headline "Sophmore Dies In Keln Accident"?

    * What movie featured the song "Keln Me Softly With His Song"?

    * What movie cowboy said, "Some people just need keln'"?

  10. I'm imagining Hawkeye vs. Black Widow type fighting here, so you'd better go for the knockout.

  11. How about a Uhura vs Sulu octogenarian poetry slam.

  12. (I'm not sure why I used 'add' or even 'ad.' I probably should've used 'presentation' or left it out entirely. ...again typing faster than my thinking.)

    1. You mean thinking faster than you're typing? :P

      I'm just messing with you.

      Mostly I'm amazed at sheer volume and variety of funny lines you write...every single day. :)

    2. at *the sheer volume

      See? I do it too.

    3. It works both ways. Sometimes I think the word, but it doesn't make it out my fingers before I'm on to the next word. Sometimes stuff gets added. I have a bad habit of adding 't' to the end of 'no' when I really want 'no.' Nothing helps me catch my own spelling errors better than hitting 'Publish.'