Friday, October 26, 2012

I am Joe: Thoughts of a Special VP - Globull Warning

I am Joe.
Uncle Al came by today.  He is not funny.  He scares me.  And he asks for weird massages. When I had nanny call for my limo so I could get a hamgabur Uncle Al got mad at me.  He told me to take my tricycle to Burger King not my limo.  He said my limo made green gasses. And green gasses will make the world burn up.  Then he said I could not eat my hamgabur. Hamgaburs makes green gasses too. Did I hate the enviroment? Did I want to burn all up from globull warning? Or get drownded in the ocean because Anarttica melted?
I did not want to burn all up or get drownded. But I wanted to eat my hamgabur.  I ran and hid under Sasha’s bed to eat my hamgabur.  Sasha was hiding there eating her hamgabur too. Sasha is smart. So I asked her. Sasha told me Uncle Al was true. I asked her what green gasses were. She said green gasses were carbomun dieoxide. She said cars make carbomun dieoxide and electricities make carbomun dieoxide and animals make carbomun dieoxide and peoples make carbomun dieoxide. 
Peoples do? I asked her. Yes, peoples do. When they breathe or talk or when they pass gas.  That is why they call it passing gas.
Will it really burn me all up? 
She told me yes. You have to be very careful.  If there is too many carbomun dieoxides you will explode.  That is why she is eating her hamgabur under the bed in the dark and only talking a little bit.  She has to be very careful not to pass gas now because it might blow up.  She showed me a youtube movie of a girl passing gas on fire and starting to burn all up. It was scary. She told me that is why her daddy always yells at me when I pass gas in the limo. Cause limos make lots of green gasses.  Any more could blow us up.
I started to cry.  I do not know how to not pass gas.  I do not want to blow up.

She told me it would be OK. She told me to be safe I must never talk or pass gas in the limo or when the lights are on or when you watch TV.  And only eat meat quietly and in the dark. But good news. She told me in the Oval Office and in the conference rooms her daddy put in stuff that killed carbomun dieoxides, so I can talk and eat meat and pass gas in those rooms as much as I want. If I ever need to pass gasses, she told me the Oval Office is most safest. I will remember that. I will go there a lot. I pass a lot of gasses.
Loving the enviroment is confusing.


  1. When Moochelle catches Sasha eating meat she has a cow man! But it's okay because then she eats the cow and gets to brag about how she is carbon neutral.