Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Nuke the Punchline: A Twofer

So I sort of had the day off yesterday, which was Columbus Day if you weren't aware. Some people do get that day off, even though kids still go to school now that our socialist education system decided Columbus was an evil indian-killing land stealer instead of a bold explorer.

Anyway, I was still in weekend mode yesterday and completely forgot to do Nuke the Punchline. So I'll be doing two of them today.

As usual, Harvey of IMAO has a new Straight Line of the Day up today, so it's time to pick the winners of yesterday's straight line, and also last Friday's. Let's start with the one from Friday:

The funniest liberal reaction to Obama's debate performance...

#5 FormerHostage: ...was Madonna putting her clothes back on.

#4 D***Cat: ...was their insistence that Obama had been distracted by personal concerns: he’d missed three easy putts that day.

#3 Dohtimes: ...was the realization that the empty chair did better against Clint Eastwood and would in fact have done better against the wood chipper they used in Fargo than Obama did.

#2 Jimmy: ...I ran out of gas! I–I had a flat tire! I didn’t have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!

And the best punchline goes to CTCompromise:

The funniest liberal reaction to Obama's debate performance was that they had to drag out Al Gore to try to make Obama look smart again.

Congratulations CTCompromise!

And now, yesterday's straight line:

After the debate, Mitt Romney...

#5 Soylent Red: ...heard the lamentations of their women.

#4 Jimmy: ...kicked Obama’s dog.

#3 Dohtimes: ...made way for a TSA employee to retrieve his shoe.

#2 Bantha_Fodder: ...Tossed his magic handkerchief at Barry and told him, “Clean yourself up!”

And the best punchline goes to CTCompromise:

After the debate, Mitt Romney requested they shut down Bain Capital and fly all employees to Washington to search for the president’s missing manhood. 

Congratulations CTCompromise! Again...

Now here's a line for you guys to punch around:

To prepare for the next debate, Obama...


  1. Practiced giving himself wedgies.

  2. . . . asked Bill Clinton to do it for him.

    . . . prayed to Allah.

    . . . Nah, prayed to himself.

    . . . went on a dog fast.

  3. ...is disguising his teleprompter as an audience member.

    ...asked the empty chair for advice.

  4. is applying for american citizenship.

  5. ...stepped on a rusty nail.