Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Reader Submission: The Democrats vs The Washington Generals

Today we have another great piece by none other than Frogmouth:

The Democrats vs The Washington Generals

I know this is a humor-based blog but the hard fact, ladies and gentlemen, is that things have ceased to be funny. Recently, this country took another huge step on its path to becoming just another Socialist-run failure. Or worse. I know many of you are depressed and looking for answers, trying to place the blame for your loss. I've been a Chicago Cubs fan since I was six, and a Libertarian since before I even knew what that was. I know too well about losing. So feel free to take what I say about winning with as many grains of salt as you require to make it palatable. 

Some of what I have to say may be more suited to a soapbox in Bughouse Square, but as I have no reputation to uphold I'll take my chances. After all, this is the internet. A virtual reality Bughouse Square of global proportions if nothing else. 

As you may have already heard, we in the USoA recently held our quadrennial election to choose our President. And, as you may already be aware, Barack Obama was the winner of that election. This, in my opinion, could very well signal the beginning of the end of this country as a nation of free people. When you have an incumbent candidate with no real record of achievements to run on receive a comfortable majority of votes, that is distressing. When that same candidate reportedly receives over 99% of votes cast in precincts where Republican election judges are ejected from the polling place...when he reportedly receives over 99% of votes cast in precincts where the polling places feature huge, full color murals of his face and campaign slogans...when he reportedly receives over 99% of the votes in precincts where election judges wear caps with his name on them...where some Counties report over 100% voter turnout...those things sound more like something out of the "free and open" elections that take place under totalitarian regimes. 

And please note, I say "reportedly". Aside from a few local newspapers that apparently retain a shred of journalistic integrity and a few bloggers on their various Bughouse Square soapboxes, these allegations are ignored. A complicit media are another signal that the fix is in. "Dear Leader elected to another glorious term! All hail Dear Leader! In other news, we are still at war with Eurasia." The next few years will be quite revealing. Either we will continue as a free nation or we will become a de facto (or even de jure) dictatorship. 

Look for a few warning signs. If, within the next three years or so, Joe Biden resigns due to "health concerns" or scandal and is replaced by one of the Democrat Party's leading hacks, that's bad. That gives the Dems a chance to pick and choose the person they think will have the best chance to win against the next stiff, boring white guy the Repubs trot out. Because let's face it... Biden has no chance of winning no matter who his opponent might be. You know it, I know it, the RNC and DNC both know it. So he's probably not going to run. 

If Biden is assassinated, or even the victim of an attempted assassination, and is replaced as Vice President, that's worse. The assassin undoubtedly will be a right-wing extremist lone gunman nutjob. This will give the Dems not only a chance to pick and choose Obama's successor, it gives them an opportunity to marginalize and demonize the GOP even more. You thought the past four years and their treatment of Sarah Palin, the Tea Party, Breitbart, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, Allen West and countless others was bad? To have an actual, REAL crazed, violent idealogue to trot out before the populace is money in the bank, baby. It's Vercingetorix executed by Julius freaking Caesar on live TV, with guest appearances by Snooki and the cast of Twilight. Musical performances by Lady Gaga, Lady Antebellum and Justin Bieber. 

If either of those two things happens and Biden is replaced by Michelle Obama, you might as well cash in your retirement accounts, sell anything and everything you have of any value and move to Cuba, lie on the beach, smoke cigars and drink rum for the rest of your days. I know that's what I plan to do. Maybe Scotland. They have great whisky and you can get Cuban cigars there, too. Plus they have more redheads. And Amsterdam is just across the channel. So...that's one eventuality. 

If, by any chance, the Democrats run Biden for President...or even if they primary him out, you (and by you, I mean Republicans) still have a chance to become a viable political brand again, instead of being the Washington Generals...the slow, stiff dorky guys who always lose to the flashy moves and showmanship of the Harlem Globetrotters. You had a chance in 2008, and you blew it. Instead of taking the fight to the Democrats by running a black man (ANY black man) for President, possibly with a woman for VP, forcing the Dems to put up or shut up on their "minorities and women" platform, you chose to trot out a sacrificial lamb. Once Palin was announced as Veep, you were surprised to find a nobody from nowhere with charisma could actually fire up the electorate. Have you NEVER watched American Idol? Really? Yes, you may well have still lost in 2008, even with a strong team...the Spartans lost at Thermopylae but at least they put up a fight on their terms. 

2012 may have been the last nail in your coffin. Instead of taking the fight to them, you let them hire the battlefield and dictate the ground rules. Instead of choosing a dyanmic team, you trotted out...the stiff, boring white guy ticket (again) with the only person showing any charisma in the second banana spot. Instead of hammering the President and the Democrats relentlessly, you let them take things off the table and turn the fight to Big Bird and birth control. You were Robert E. Lee at Gettysburg. You ceded the advantage before the battle was even joined, with predictable results. In 2016 you may get another chance. Maybe. If you do not choose a strong candidate with solid ideas and stick with him (or her) no matter what... you're going to lose. If you do not...and I hesitate to say this...become more moderate, you're going to lose. 

I know the fundamentalist Christians are a huge part of your base, but they have got to go as a primary factor in your policy and platform making decisions. Making abortions illegal has to be taken off the table. You can still maintain your moral high ground by not demanding hospitals and doctors with religious or moral objections perform them or lose Federal funding, but rather allowing the private sector to open and run abortion clinics, staffed by doctors who will be well-paid for their service. Religion should have no place in Government. Tell guys like Akin, Mourdock and the like to sit down and STFU. It's hard enough to run against Santa Claus. It's impossible to do it while acting like Ebenezer Scrooge pre-Marley's ghost. 

You'll never beat them at the free stuff game, so you shouldn't even try...but you have GOT to make the public like you. And whether you like it or not, you must accept this fact. Your platform amounts to telling your daughter she can't have a new Mercedes ragtop when she goes off to her State college just because Amber's two dads bought her a Lexus while your wife is telling her she CAN have it AND she can go to Harvard because her rich Uncle is going to pay for it. He also sent over a four year supply of condoms and the business card of his friend who runs a "Gentleman's Club" who would love to talk to you about a part time job, dear. 

You can explain that Amber's two dads own a Lexus dealership and that Uncle Sam and his friend will expect to be repaid all you like...your daughter is going to roll her eyes and your wife is going to rationalize that Sam is rich so it's only fair he pay his share. And you're going to lose. Run on a platform to legalize pot. If you're as pro-capitalism as you claim, then why not? Farmers will grow it and sell it at a profit. Companies will buy it, process it, market it...and sell it at a profit. With the added benefits of providing jobs all along the way, as well as a reduction in money lost to criminal operations and gangs, along with freeing up Law Enforcement resources for other tasks. Plus, since you're still part of the Big Gov machine, it can be taxed which means more money for you to waste.

Run on a completely PRO gay marriage platform. If the Government is going to be in the business of selling marriage licenses, any two consenting adults should be allowed to marry, with some obvious exceptions of course. Blood relatives and people with AIDS/HIV+ and the like. If any church or religious organization chooses to NOT perform a ceremony, that is their right, as the Government is supposed to make no religion or something like that. Some old, boring white guy wrote something about that like forever ago, I think. You can still be as big a Big Gov megalith as you like, doing crony Capitalism and shady deals and whatnot...look at your opponents if you doubt me. You can (literally) get away with murder if you just give the people their panem et circenses. But until and unless you start to become more Libertarian on social issues, you may as well break out the Generals jackets. 

And in 2016 if they run Biden and you STILL lose, you don't deserve to win. Ever again.

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