A Rebuttal to "Assault Weapons"

So, as I am wont to do from time to time, I put myself in the shoes of a progressive idiot liberal and think of how they could possibly refute something I have written on this here website. It ain't easy, as I use such diverse elements as fear, surprise, a fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms logic and an acceptance of reality. But I do my best.

[Queue in-character progressive idiot liberal] I must write today in refutation of a horrible post written on this so-called "conservative" blog Nuking Politics. The posting I refer to is titled "Assault Weapons". Therein, the author, a term I use loosely, asserts that the Constitution, that dated dried up piece of parchment such types profess to adhere to whilst having inappropriate fantasies of wearing powdered wigs and actually holding people accountable for their actions independent of their lot in life, claims we all have a right to access military weapons.

Beyond the abject insanity of such a statement, and beyond your flowers of flaming truth, the idea of a mere citizen owning a weapon that has military use is just crazy. I mean, it is bad enough the military has such weapons but at least they are directly controlled by the government. Citizens aren't...yet. They should be, but stupid rednecks have this independent streak that will take a while to breed out.

I mean, the argument that the Constitution is there to arm the citizenry in case they need to overthrow the government is dumb enough, but let us entertain that fantasy for a while. The American Revolution was won with muskets and horses and things, so clearly that is all one needs to win such a war, if it were necessary, which it isn't. I mean, I could see a new revolution being necessary if George Bush were still in power, but with Obama, it is completely unnecessary. He does everything a president is supposed to do, like taking care of poor people and minorities. Which is what that dilapidated Constitution says he is supposed to do anyway!

This inane obsession with "rights" and "individual liberty" is washed up. Nobody cares about that anymore. All that matters is that you are born into a great country that takes care of you and you don't have to worry about stuff like "freedom", which is completely overrated anyway. What does it matter if you have the "right" to have a gun, if having one is distasteful to the very government that takes care of you? That is what I call disrespect.

I would say to this supposed author that he had better take a closer look at that silly document he likes so much and how the word welfare is put in a place of prominence! It is our welfare that is the government's chief objective. Not an over sized imperialistic military, and not these silly "rights" that have nothing to do with what people really need now days. Like cell phones and green cars.

[progressive idiot liberal character off]

I swear that is the best I can do. It's really hard to think like a totally clueless moron.