Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sequestration is a Scary Word

The $85 billion federal budget cuts required by Obama’s sequestration plan will result in some very dire consequences. We must not allow these things to happen. Here are just some of the devastating consequences.

·         Biden will have to pay for his own hair plug maintenance and resort to home-whitening his teeth with Clorox.

·         Menendez will have to switch to cheaper, local escorts.

·         All federal employees will have their hours cut back to 30 hours to avoid Obamacare costs.

·         Obama will have to sell off his backup teleprompters.

·         Due to lack of funding, communities will become woefully unorganized.

·         Sandra Fluke will still have to provide her own birth control, should a man ever find her desirable.

·         Construction of the shovel-ready project, The Obama Memorial White House Putt Putt Golf Course, will have to be put on hold.

·         The Obama National Library will never be built. Instead, the entire collection will be made available in ebook format. The file contains everything Obama has ever read, comprised of his speeches, the Quran and the collected works of Saul Alinsky.

·         Michelle will no longer be able to afford arugula, whatever that is.

·         No more wasting skeet. If the Obama’s hunt the clay pigeons, they have to eat them.

·         All members of Congress will have to be replaced with lower cost undocumented workers. Maybe they will be able to do the jobs that American Congressmen are unwilling to do.

·         Government officials will need to upwardly adjust their bribe thresholds.

·         Deep cuts to the military will be made to ensure anticipated increased funding for PBS, NPR and the NEA.

·         Unable to afford hookers and booze, secret service members will have to entertain themselves with the loneliest game ever: Strip Solitaire.


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  2. Hey. It looks like you got our first internet troll. Was that on Keln's goals for 2013?

  3. Supreme Court will be reduced to only 3 "Rock,Paper,Scissors" can decide all cases.

  4. White House chef will have to shop at local animal shelters instead of per stores.

  5. White House chef will have to shop at local animal shelters instead of peT stores.

  6. Cowboy Poetry Festival will have to be combined with the Rodeo.