Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Nuke the Punchline: Mitzvah

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, and so it is time to pick the winners of the last one:

Two Popes walk into a bar...

#5 Apostic: ...and the Pope says, “I’ll have some water.” So the bartender hands him a glass of water and the first Pope waves his hand, turning the water into an awesome 2002 cab sav. “I am allowed this miricale as a sign I am the real Pope.” And the bartender, “Wow” and turns to the other Pope. “What will you have?” And the second Pope says, “His wine. My miracle will be changing it back to water….”

#4 Rodney Dill: ...and Benedict, who is going more than a little blind, say’s “…any one want to hear a good dumb blonde joke?” Frances whispers to him, “The Bouncer is blond and about 280 pounds, there 2 off-duty firemen that are good-sized blond swedish boys at the bar, and the police officer that just followed us in is blond, you sure you want to go ahead with that joke?” To which Benedict responded, “Not if I’m gonna have to explain it 4 times."

#3 CTCompromise: ...The bartender exclaimed “I didn’t expect the bloody Spanish Inquisition!”

#2 Oppo: ...with the Swiss Guard. The bartender asked, “What’s with the soldiers?” Francis answered, “Oh, that’s my Swiss Army troop. I’d leave them at home, but they come in so handy, and have so many attachments.”

And the best (or maybe worst) line goes to Manolo:

Two Popes walk into a bar. Then walk in two Rabbis, two Imams and two Boy Scouts. The bartender just stares at them. A few minutes go by and one of the Popes says, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen two Popes, two Rabbis, two Imams and two Boy Scouts before?” The bartender says, “I’m sorry. When I didn’t see two hookers and two nuns walk in with you, I thought maybe the rest of the joke just needed time to find a parking spot.” 

Congratulations Manolo.


The best punchline for the last Nuking Politics straight line was from A Guy Named Rob:

After seeing CBS's latest Amazing Race episode, NBC...began filming their latest show, " The Amazing Racist", featuring Al Sharpton and Chris Matthews as the plucky hosts who take turns falsely accusing random republicans of racism then run away giggling like little girls.

Congratulations Rob.


Now here's a line for you guys to try:

To keep a firm grip on Prince Harry, Chris Christie...


  1. Will fit him with a suit of donuts.

  2. ...is going to have to avoid fried food. -His fingers get really greasy.

  3. ...must be willing to remove a hand from Obama first