Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Deadbeat Dads, Mad Scientists Rejoice at MSNBC 'Lean Forward' Spot

Narrating a new MSNBC "Lean Forward" spot, Melissa Harris-Perry, a Tulane professor, laments that we in America "haven't had a very collective notion that these are our children ... [W]e have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to their communities," Harris-Perry argued.
Deadbeat dads throughout the nation applaud.  Says one ‘father’ anonymously, “This is exactly the argument I’ve been making to the courts.  It’s not my fault that the government neglected to cover that hos birth control.  If the government didn’t want to foot the bill for my mistake, they should have given that wench the Norplant.  Merciful heavens, but she already had four kids with seven different men before my little unwanted bastard came around.  The government should have known better and been on top of this.  It’s absolutely right that the community should be supporting that little hellion, not me.”
‘Dr.’ Vernon Frankenstein, ‘medical researcher’ operating in the alley behind Johns Hopkins University, expressed glee at this idea.  “This is a very exciting development! If it can be established that parents have no ownership rights to their offspring, then it follows logically that they have no ownership of the product of conception or of the biological components used to create ‘their’ so-called offspring.  And if they have no ownership of the biological components of their own body, then their fetuses and blood and spit and marrow and bones and brains and organs and genetic material don’t belong to them.  They are mine for the taking!  Whatever I can harvest!  Mine!  All mine!”  He then laughed maniacally as he brandished a stained coat hanger.
When confronted with this idea, Democrat Robert Byrd, former Senator and Klansman, expressed shock at the views of Dr. Frankenstein.  “The good doctor is clearly off base.  It’s absurd that these people and parts belong to him.  They clearly belong to the government. And it presents us with an ideal opportunity to create the perfect society.  By controlling the births we control the demographics.  Imagine the society we can create.  Imagine a society that no longer has an oppressive white majority.  By the careful selection of who the government allows to be born, we can create the perfect society composed of the intelligent, white, male ruling elite, a voluptous breeding population for us and a carefully bred serf class comprised of all the other colors of the rainbow.  We will supply their base needs and they will be bred to serve us blissfully.  Utopia achieved.”
When asked if he agreed with the former Senator's plan, President Obama said that “he was torn." He continued, "Half of me feels like I belong with the ruling elite, but the other half just wants to smoke choom all day.”

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