Wednesday, April 24, 2013

No, We Have an Emigration Problem

People keep going on and on lately about how we have this immigration problem and the system is a mess and there are all of these illegal people running around being illegal and running around. And we aren't even sure who they all are. And a piece by Ann woman-that-scares-me Coulter takes it a step further. She says not only are illegals a problem, but it's legal immigrants that are a problem, citing how a rather lopsided amount of mass murders and the like are perpetrated not only by immigrants, but immigrant losers.

She made some pretty valid points for being a crazy person (well ok, she usually is pretty much right on most things, but I still think shes nuts). Namely, that educated hard working people seem to have a tough time immigrating here but complete losers get here so easily. And yeah, that does seem to be the case.

Ok, fine Ann. We have a total immigration problem. But that is small potatoes really. See, I look at it this way: we have tons of deadbeats and losers born in this country. No they aren't born that way of course, but they end up being that way through bad choices and a complete lack of personal responsibility. Kind of the way people end up eventually living in Cincinnati. Or Toledo. So, why should we care about the immigration of losers just adding a trickle to an already large volume of natural born losers? I mean, that's like turning off a water faucet when your house is already flooded. Yeah, you should do that, but it's not going to exactly fix the mess.

I think, instead of an immigration problem, we have an emigration problem. Now don't read that out loud, or it will sound redundant. We are literally (and by literally I mean figuratively) flooded with losers in this country. People who won't get a job, or keep a job by doing simple things like showing up on time or working when they are told to work. And they get to sit around collecting benefits merely because they exist.

I dunno about you guys, but I am pretty sure that wasn't something the founders envisioned, and I'd be surprised if they actually thought of those people as citizens. The founders were a bit vague on what constitutes a citizen exactly, as far as I can tell anyway. Look that up for me, I'm busy. Anyway, so I think there should be a law (I rarely say that) defining what a citizen is.

Basically, if you are productive (which means you have a job or means of income) and don't use any government help past a certain amount of time, then you maintain your citizenship status. You also have to keep your nose clean when it comes to obeying laws. You don't have to be a model citizen, just not a complete parasite on society. If you can do all that, you'll reap all of the benefits of being an American citizen. 

However, if you get enough strikes or whatever, you lose your citizenship. And then you get deported, since you're a foreigner now. You'll get $10,000, a passport, and a plane ticket to the undeveloped country of your choice. Sorry, we don't want a developed country trying to send you back, you loser.

And immigration would be a snap. We could give everyone a chance. If they play by the rules, they get a citizenship. If they don't, or they lose their citizenship...they get deported back to where they came from. And no, they don't get the $10,000. I call this the Don't Let the Door Hit You Emigration Act.

Catchy name right?


  1. "An armed man is a citizen. A disarmed man is a subject."

  2. I, of course, had a plan as well.

    1. I knew I got the idea from somewheres.

    2. Great ideas should be repeated until someone in authority finally takes notice and acknowledges them.

  3. 1- I've been going over this and I'm not sure I'm a citizen according to your definition. Am I? I don't think I want to be kicked out. :(
    2- You seem to have an unhealthy fear for most least at first. What's up with that?
    3- In the second paragraph you say "shes nuts" which should probably be "she's nuts". Don't you think? :P
    4- Good morning, Keln!

    1. Ok, now I'm ready to THROTTLE the guy who gave me my html lesson...