Sunday, April 28, 2013

This Blog Doesn't Need a Princess It Needs a NANNY: Nanny Unny.

My name is Unnonymiss.  You can call me Unny.  (Unny rhymes with honey, you know...the locally-raised free-range sustainable organic honey.  Not that other bad kind. By the way, no bees were harmed in the making of this nickname)

My spoiled sister, Anonymiss, was called away -- probably on some goody-goody "charity" mission to "help" the "poor". Right... as if that were an acceptable substitute for a caring, compassionate government program that provides good-paying jobs to AFSCME union members. Anyway. She left me in charge.

I'm actually a little surprised how much power you guys have given her around here. I hear she's judging? Seriously? What right does SHE have to judge? She bakes cookies. That's what she does. They're  not even union cookies...and she often even involves CHILD LABOR. This qualifies her to judge you...HOW?  She doesn't even care about you guys.  She's only acting on her own selfish interest. Every SINGLE time she judges you...some people lose. A LOT of people. Does she even care what that does to people? The only "Participation Cookies" she has awarded have been to Frank J.: A powerful special interest group in the top 1% of commenters. I believe EVERYONE should get their fair share.  Equality is so important.  She and her crony nuke-the-punchline-ism.

I propose that we establish a set of fair, equal opportunity judging regulations.  Right now, she's just playing favorites.  Have you noticed how many times Rodney Dill has won?  Rodney's not talented. He's just lucky. He didn't build those lines. More on this later. A LOT more.

I'm a teensy bit worried about you guys and your "cookie habit".  Don't you realize that they're not good for you?  Anonymiss's cookies have been linked to a 27% increase in blogger obesity in the last month alone.  Diabetes among nerds is on the rise.  This girl has no conscience.  For your own good, I will no longer be awarding her sugar-laced "rewards". Instead, I will be substituting my own, delicious, homemade uncookies.  (Springeraz mentioned them here) They are a healthful treat that is low in calories and saturated fat. In fact they have no trans-fats, sugar, cholesterol, artificial flavors or natural flavors at all.  You're gonna love them.

Another concern is that my sister is flashing around that Grammar Hammer again.  Doesn't she know that more people are killed with hammers than guns every year?  I have no idea why she clings to such an unreasonable standard. Doesn't she know that the English language is a living language, much like the constitution is a living document?  Punishing you for not abiding by such outdated ideas is ridiculous. Someone has GOT to get that hammer away from her. Who knows how many innocents she could hurt? She must be stopped.

Fortunately, I, Unnonymiss am here to save you.  You should be thanking your lucky stars.

P.S. Thanks to Les for making me look so BEAUTIFUL!
P.P.S. You were gonna say something about my skin being green, weren't you? Admit it. You racist.


  1. Unnonymiss sounds a lot like both my ex-mother-in-laws. This is scary.

  2. Scary, indeed! Just wait until her sister gets back and wields her mighty assault hammer.

    As Mammy Yokum said, "Good is better than evil because it's nicer."

  3. There goes the neighborhood!

    Of course, it goes without saying that Anonymiss' evil twin will be inflicting LIBERAL policies on the rest of us.

  4. Wonder if she's related to Mayor Bloomberg?...

    Also, you can have my hammer when you pry it from my cold, dead hand!