Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Just Like Mom Used to Make

I was shopping online for a Mother’s Day gift for the wife.  I was looking at cookbooks because what wife wouldn’t want a cookbook for Mother’s Day, and I happened upon this one.  Cooking with Coolio: The Ghetto Gourmet.  I had to get it and check out his techniques.  Here are some of his innovative approaches to cooking on an underclass budget.
·         For that extra zing, cook your pasta in that leftover bong water.
·         In a pinch, crackhead sweat can be a tangy substitute for salt.
·         The secret to cooking that meth to the magical 99% purity is just a sprinkling of cumin.

·         To give your pasta salad that special crunch and a little extra protein, sprinkle on a few toenail clippings.
·         The #14 sieve is the perfect tool for getting the dose just right for your peanut-crack brittle.
·         If your bottles of dried herbs are bare, cannabis can be substituted for anything.
·         If you are desperate, food stamps can be used to roll your joints.
·         To get that tough round steak perfectly tender, the best technique is the simple pimp slap.
·         When you have that extra special ho coming over, large cockroaches look just like little crayfish.  Or if she doesn’t like seafood, when properly cooked, leg of stray resembles leg of lamb.
·         Wine just tastes better when you steal it yourself.
·         And most importantly, remember that all meals taste better when prepared with that special, intangible ingredient: Misogyny.
[Cross posted at IMAO]

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