Friday, May 3, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Veggies for NY

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

A New York City public school will begin serving only vegetarian meals. Featured on the menu…

#5 Just Cathy w/a C :Tofu burger topped with cheese made from non-Bovine-Growth-Hormone cow’s milk…wait a minute, Gwyneth Paltrow says cow’s milk is bad for you…topped with soy cheese product, and served on an artisanal bun, wait a minute, that bun may have genetically modified wheat in it. Here’s a celery stick kid. Get outta here.

#4 c64wood: …it won’t matter because all the kids will be either smuggling good food in their backpacks or bunking off to Mickey D’s.

#3 Oppo: a whine list.

#2 Bob in Feenicks: ...Mayor Bloomberg’s own version of uncookies.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Dohtimes:

A New York City public school will begin serving only vegetarian meals. Featured on the menu was a reminder of Bloomberg’s goal of reinterpreting the Constipation of the United States.

COOKIES to Dohtimes!

You should check out our new Classic Nukes. They're awesome! Cookies to all of my dwarves. :)


Thanks for your comments on NP's Nuke the Punchline.  You guys are the best :)  My favorite responses for Nuking Politics' straight line were

If google glasses can take a picture with a wink, a blink...

#3 Rodney Dill: ...will fire a hellfire missile from your drone*
*(drone and drone app sold separately)

#2 can of spam: ... will erase all American and Christian holidays from your calendar app and replace them with birthdays of totalitarian dictators.

and my favorite line was from Bob B.:

If google glasses can take a picture with a wink, a blink...will get you out of trouble, just like in "I Dream of Jeannie".


Today's line is from my sister, Unnonymiss:

What in the WORLD can we do to fix Anonymiss's funny (#47 and on)???  (I TOLD you guys she had no right to judge you. If you'd just listened to me we wouldn't be in this mess. Geez!)


  1. Surely there's a government program for this... maybe she can sign up for a free ObamaFunny.

  2. Given her fondness for cookies, she might want to try baking some of Obama's favorites. (special ingredient: choom)

  3. Make her drink (H)acai juice

    Convince her to eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Funny and Not Funny.

  4. replace her broken Humorous bone, which she whacked by accident while exuberantly using the grammar hammer

  5. fill her house with whoopee cushions and turn out the lights, so when she walks around it sounds like she's farting all over the place.....'cause seriously, who wouldn't have a great sense of humor after that????

  6. ...have her spend a weekend watching, Monty Python, Mel Brooks movies, Pink Panther movies, The three stooges, and any White House press conference.

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. ...forgot to mention The Princess Bride

  7. ...women are to be obscene and not heard.

  8. a drone strike on the 'cynic'

  9. Fix her? That's just crazy talk.

  10. ...get advice from Grumpy Cat on how to be funny.

  11. ...nothing to see here - just move along...