Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - A Jeffersonian Cure

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

Scientists Have Invented a Smart Pill That Can Remember Your Passwords. What We REALLY Need Is a Pill That…

#5 Oppo: … cures political careerism and won’t give you an election lasting more than four years.

#4 c64wood: …reduces the size and scope of government to the size that it was originally intended to be.

#3 walruskkkch …gives us super human powers so we can fight for truth, justice and the American way!

#2 FormerHostage…puts your wife in a mood so that you can get some use out of your little blue one. [insider tip: No pill needed. WORDS. Talk to her. You guys are word masters. Make her laugh. Make her swoon. Words are the best aphrodisiac :)]

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Maverick:

Scientists Have Invented a Smart Pill That Can Remember Your Passwords. What We REALLY Need Is a Pill That…one pill that makes incomes larger, and one pill that makes taxes small. ‘Cause the stimulants Obama gives you don’t do anything at all.

Cookies to Maverick!
Her Infinite Majesty Empress Kitten the First bestows "Empress Kitten's Kiss Up Cookies" to walruskkkch for singing Huey Lewis to me  :) What kind is your favorite, walrus?


Our Les is something of a prognosticator...don't miss his clever Flat Like a Bitter Pancake :)  Cookies to Sketchy! 


My favorite punchline today is from Dohtimes:

Why shouldn't you engage in debate with a crazy progressive?
Every time you say debate they think you are talking about fishing. Besides, their spokesperson Flo always makes dating a lizard or a caveman seem like a good idea, even if you are a guy.

Cookies to Dohtimes!


Here's a new line for you to try:

For the first time, the FDA used its authority to regulate tobacco products. Next to be regulated:


  1. *opens mouth to speak*

    *closes mouth upon realizing that there's nothing left that the government hasn't already wrapped its slimy regulatory tentacles around*

  2. Cauliflower ear, corns and fried green bunions.

  3. ...salt, soda, and transfats. Oh heck, just make Michael Bloomberg the permanent head of the FDA.

  4. ... non-tobacco products.

  5. ... the three-way turf war between them, the Surgeon General, and the ATF.

  6. ...LGBT fats(because trans fats is so un-PC)

  7. . . . the quantum states of electrons

  8. It's true! It's true! The crown has made it clear.
    The climate must be perfect all the year.

    A law was made a distant moon ago here:
    July and August cannot be too hot.
    And there's a legal limit to the snow here
    In Camelot.