Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - Condensed Version

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…




#5 Dohtimes: …be tough, when you disagree with the Magic 8 Ball answer find a less racist Magic 8 Ball.

#4 Burt: In lieu of debates, require all potential candidates to appear with Jeff Foxworthy on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

#3 Jeff in South Dakota:Transportation cost effective like Amtrak
Document delivery turn a profit like the USPS
Wait times shorter like the DMV
Reduced paperwork like the IRS
Privacy like the NSA
Budget control like the Congress
Health insurance like Obamacare
Manned spaceflight like NASA

#2 springeraz:  three simple steps
1. Shut up
2. Sit down
3. Get out of the way.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from James:

From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…Limit the length of all new federal regulations to 140 characters.


Cookies to James!

Kiss up cookies to Burt and Dohtimes!

Burt: From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…Reward good ideas with cookies.


DohtimesFrom Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…Cookie College!!! That’s one smart cookie.





Kiss Up Cookies to 
Burt and Dohtimes!

_______________________

If you're fed up with the "hope" we've been promised, you'll like springeraz's The Right Thing Will Happen. It made me smile :)

Cookies to springeraz!

_______________________

My favorite NP punchlines:


Michelle Obama wants to use Hip-Hop to fight obesity. Her next move...

#3 Apostic: ...will be called Hippo Hop.

#2 Dohtimes:...getting the Chicago cops to allow young urbanites to warm up and stretch before being chased down alleys and side streets.

My favorite line was from Bob B.:

Michelle Obama wants to use Hip-Hop to fight obesity. Her next move...will be teaching "the Sidestep" (from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas) to Jay Carney


Toffee Trifle to Bob B.!

Note: Bob B. inspired this post about that funny song. (Cookies to Bob B.!) Jay Carney is not the only guy who learned that dance. Go read  ♫ The Side-step ♫ :)

________________________

Here's a new line for you to try:



President Obama told Jay Leno "We don't have a domestic spying program."  Other things we "don't have"...

13 comments:

  1. ... a President who's ethically distinguishable from Baghdad Bob:

    http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your tax returns, *wink*wink*

    ReplyDelete
  3. ... a post-retchal society.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ... "a minute to lose if we're going to solve this economic crisis. Let's see: Africa, Leno, Martha's Vineyard. . . Yup, I think I can squeeze in a speech to solve the economy after my first welcome-back fundraiser."

    ... a debt ceiling; not a real one.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ...a positive grip on reality -- if by "we" they mean the general electorate last election.

    ReplyDelete
  6. we don't have...

    "... a government of the people, for the people and by the people..."

    ReplyDelete
  7. ...include "incompetent leadership", "bankrupt morals", and "Nixonian behavior in the White House".

    ReplyDelete
  8. ... a viewing public that will allow the president to be clear.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ... Global Warming, wars, illegal immigrants, acts of terrorism, or embassy evacuations. They keep changing the names.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ...are spies that clean your houses.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ...the droids we're looking for...

    ReplyDelete
  12. ...a requirement that White House staff wear GoPro cameras while they perform their duties.

    ReplyDelete