Monday, October 7, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - He's Got Work to Do

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

Because of the Shutdown, President Obama May Not Play Golf This Weekend. Instead…

#5 Smilin' Jack: …he will watch the Presidents Cup and wonder why he – THE President! – was not invited to play.

#4 Iowa Jim: … in his continuing effort to demonstrate that he understands the concerns of the middle class, he’ll be playing polo.

#3 Dohtimes:…he will work on not playing golf. In fact he will spend all of his time focusing like a laser on not playing golf. He won’t rest until he is not playing golf, that’s a promise.

#2 fangbeer.: …of reducing his golf score continue his weekday efforts to reduce the nation’s credit score, our children’s test scores, our WHO healthcare score, the GNP, and generally everything else he feels needs lowering. Like our nation’s moral standing.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from can of spam:

Because of the Shutdown, President Obama May Not Play Golf This Weekend. Instead… he’ll work on improving his OTHER lies.

 Cookies to can of spam!

and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch and rodney dill:

Because of the Shutdown, President Obama May Not Play Golf This Weekend. Instead…

walruskkkch:...Michelle’s gonna force him to stay home and bake cookies, but they’ll never be as good Anonymiss’ cookies!
...he’ll try kissing up to Anonymiss for some great cookies, but fail.
rodney dill: …he’ll have a tee (and cookies) party.

Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch
 and rodney dill!

My favorite lines from yesterday:

AP Photos
Donald Trump's biggest concern about Hillary's 2016 bid is her health because...

#3 rodney dill.: ....if she looks in a mirror she'll get physically ill... just like everyone else that sees her.

#2 Bob in Feenicks: ...he heard rumors she had sex with Bill Clinton, and Gosh knows all the diseases he has.

and my favorite line was from Harvey:

Donald Trump's biggest concern about Hillary's 2016 bid is her health because...Obamacare doesn't cover cankles beyond a certain circumference.

Cookies to Harvey!

For some unknown reason, this line really inspired me. Here's my top ten responses:

Donald Trump's biggest concern about Hillary's 2016 bid is her health because...
  1. ...he chose 2015 for her demise in the office pool.
  2. clinch the nomination she enrolled in Obamacare.
  3. ...Because living in New York and being related to vegetarians would drive anyone to consume more Big Macs and Big Gulps than they should.
  4. ...I don't think live human faces are supposed to look like that.
  5. ...if she died we'd be stuck with someone worse. Wait. is that possible?
  6. ...she and Obama aren't really friendly and he still has friends in Chicago.
  7. ...She refuses to recognize the health benefits of Zumba. Nuf said.
  8. ...Genifer Flowers recently took Biden's "Shotgun Solutions"  course.
  9. ...Vince Foster's family motto is "all problems resolves themselves; given time"
  10. ...If you haven't got your health, then you haven't got anything.
Which one do *you* like best?

Here's a new line for you to try:

When he heard the Olympic Flame went out in Russia, President Obama...


  1. ...sent in a drone strike to light 'r up...

    (of your top ten #1 it the best, with #4 a close second)

  2. ...offered condolences over the subsequent Pussy Riot

  3. ...said, "With a flick of my Bic I'll save the slavic."

  4. Can't think of a good punchline for this one, but I vote for #5 as my favorite in the top ten list.

  5. mmm... cookies :-)


    ...gave Russia a $165 million Green Energy Grant for lowering their carbon footprint.

    Also, I agree, #1 is #1, but I'll throw in #2 bacon for #8

  6. said, "Another sad result of the Republican inspired government shutdown."

  7. said, "Does this concern me? Does it effect me and my brilliance in any way? No? Tell 'em to go back to Greece and start over again."

  8. ...dispatched his crack team of LGBT flamers to resolve the situation.

    (I defer to the Beatles - "Number 9, number 9, number 9...")

    1. I liked that one too :)

      I mean, his name was "Vince"...

  9. blamed the republicans. and george bush

  10. ...said, "WE ARE CLOSED NOW!"

    (OK so the money line doesn't show up until the very end)

  11. ... not so-subtly pointed out that this is like not getting your garbage picked up in Chicago if you fail the grease the right palms. If you know what I mean.

  12. ...sent John Kerry to explain it was his plan all along suggesting Putin use a lighter.

  13. For the Top Ten List: 4, 6, and 9.

    ... said: "What a freaking awesome metaphor! Get me a photo for the cover of my next autobiography!!!"

  14. --- Walrus's comment made me think about Greece, so I'll go for cooperation cookies! Hat tip.

    ... said: "What? I thought I'd imported every failed concept there was from Greece."