Monday, November 11, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - From Womb to Tomb

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

Doctors say “internet addiction” is on the rise. Symptoms include…

#5 Oppo:… inability to stop hitting the SLoTD machine.

#4 Dohtimes:…takes six months to view all the pics of your six week old.

#3 walruskkkch: ...having even the NSA say, “Dude, take it down a bit.”

#2 can of spam: … taking your kids to the docs for routine shots is referred to by you as “running the antivirus program”.

And my favorite straight lines of the day were from Steve H [who was definitely on a roll! Go read his stuff. I think he may have some experience with this affliction :P]:

Doctors say “internet addiction” is on the rise. Symptoms include…when you discover you’re pregnant the first thing you decide on is an email address, THEN a name.
Doctors say “internet addiction” is on the rise. Symptoms include…when shopping for a burial plot, you ask about 

 Cookies to Steve H!

and today's best kiss uppers were can of spam, walruskkkch and Bob B.:

Doctors say “internet addiction” is on the rise. Symptoms include…

can of spam:… your first thought when hearing “cookies” isn’t of a heavenly baked treat. [That is seriously messed up. :)]

walruskkkch:...Kissing up for Anonymiss Cookies online, and never being able to eat them! [That''s so sad :( ]

Bob B.:…clicking on Nuking Politics at every break, thinking to yourself, “C’mon c’mon c’mon Anonymiss – judge me!” [Awwwww :)]

Kiss up Cookies to can of spam,
walruskkkch, and Bob B.!

My favorite line from yesterday was from Bob B.:

President Obama said "Obviously, we didn't do a good enough job in terms of how we crafted the law". His next not-good-enough craft...
(Obama sings to "Witchcraft", as delivered by Frank Sinatra)

Reporters in my hair, the mockers ev’rywhere
You want me now to care ‘bout which craft?

I’ve got no time to think of it
The heat is on, I just can’t quit
This constant open lyin’ I do-

So it’s which craft, which new botched craft?
Doesn’t matter, ‘cause it’s a snafu

The need to lie’s inside of me
My heart’s corrupt, it’s plain to see –
I just don’t know what more I can do

It’s such a scand’lous path 
When people do the math 
They’ll know my words are never true.

Cookies to Bob B.!

Here's a new line for you to try:


Atheist "mega- churches" are popping up around the world. They teach...


  1. They teach ... there really is one born every minute.

  2. ...that yes, there IS something more obnoxious than airport Hare Krishnas

  3. ... that you can double-dog dare God to strike you dead and he won't.
    Al least not right away.
    When you least expect it...

  4. ...that everything is relative, including the meaning of "mega-"

  5. that they take Atheism religiously.

  6. ...that just say no never works so they take their kids to church and...just say "Nothing".

  7. ...the proper way to pray to SCIENCE!

  8. Atheist?... Mega-Churches?... teaching?... I'll believe it when I see.

  9. ...that cleanliness is not all its cracked up to be.

  10. ... that "if I'm wrong I will suffer in eternal fire and damnation, and if I'm NOT wrong, then... nothing... so either way I WIN !!!"