Nuke the Punchlines- Steve H Edition

Last week Steve H judged some of the straight lines. Here are his picks:

January 27th, 2014
Obama’s new ambassador to Norway made several erroneous statements about the country, including…

#5. FormerHostage says:
The Norwagians speak Norwese.

#4. can of spam says:
… that we are aware that 50% of the population of Minnesota and Wisconsin are on ready to mobilize and take over when Norway starts its campaign of conquest, and we’re ready for ‘em!

#3. walruskkkch says:
“I’m pleased to be here.”
Obama assured me you have the best Dog in the world.
This is where Fjords are built.  (Walrus left the first of many Fjord puns, so gets credit)
You’re worth my 10 million dollar campaign contribution in 2012.
“I look forward to visiting your lush tropical beaches.”
I have found you Kunta Kinte!

#2. Bob B says:
…that the Norsemen notoriously pillaged vowels from across the continent, thus you have places such as Gdansk. (They use umlauts to identify the pilfered letters)

#1. Jeff in South Dakota says:
A Møøse once bit my sister… No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge – her brother-in-law – an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: “The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist”, “Fillings of Passion”, “The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink”…

With a salute to Gebiv , can of spam, and FormerHostage for Followup Puns (in true Python tradition)!

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January 28th, 2014
The Weirdest Moment at the Grammy Awards…

#5. Bob B says:
…was when Beyoncé and Jay-Z inadvertently made the case for traditional marriage with a brief embrace.

#4. walruskkkch says:
...is realizing these bozos mean more to American young people than having a real job.

#3. Les says:
…was when Daft Punk took off their helmets to reveal their true identities: Joe Biden and Harry Reid. [explains a lot...]

#2. FormerHostage says:
…was when their market share dropped below a Sham-Wow infomercial.

#1. Bob B says:
…was that special moment when shock, snark, schlock and sleaze did a mash-up…and delivered meh.
[21. Anonymiss says: @17 Cookies to Bob B! :D ]

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January 29th, 2014
Overheard During the State of the Union Speech…”

#5. Mrs. C says:
Drink!  Bingo!

#4. c64wood says:
…I’ll be here all week. Try the fish.
…Take my wife… Please

#3. @boston_bubba says:
the spinning of the Founding Fathers in their graves.

#2. Oppo says:
…” And so, my fallow Americans, ask not what your country is doing to you. Period.”
and
[Imitating Lactose the Intolerant]
Sen. 1: “Dude, fast forward. This is a rerun.”
Sen. 2: “I can’t, man. This is live.”
Sen. 1: “I’m totally going to pull a Joe Wilson.”
Sen. 2: “No you’re not.”
Sen. 1: “I know. You’re right. Why is that?”
Sen. 2: ” ‘Cause we’re Congressmen. We’re total pusscakes, dude!”
Sen. 1: “That’s true….”
[/imitating Lactose the Intolerant]

#1. walruskkkch says:
...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
...the crushing of men’s souls and the lamentations of the women.
...“Can you pass the Grey Poupon?”
...“I promise to respect you in the morning, period.”
...the tingling in Chrissie Matthews leg.
“I can’t believe they buy all this crapola, boy is America dumb! Is the mike on?”

Cookies to Jeff in South Dakota, Bob B, walruskkkch 

and Steve H for being a sweetie and helping me out!
(Btw, guys, go read my post Gay Marriage and Divorce. 
I'm really curious to hear your take on it)