Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I Can't Deal With It...I'm Going Fishing

I sat down here to write a response to a statement Jeb Bush made to the effect that illegal aliens breaking into the country is "an act of love".  I was having trouble getting my mind around a statement as stupid as that, then I was distracted by a couple of other things:  Eric Holder thinks it would be a good idea to make gun owners wear RFID bracelets, and Iran is sending a new Ambassador to the UN, who just happens to be one of the terrorists that held over 50 Americans hostage for over a year, with no apparent objection by the WH or State Dept.  This kind of thing has become the new normal in Washington.  Meanwhile, Mr. Obama spends time planning his next vacation in Martha's Vineyard, and obsessing about "selfies" in the White House.  And finally, I saw this quote from John Kerry.  He said:  
"The United States and it's allies will not hesitate to use 21st century tools to hold Russia accountable for it's 19th century behavior."  
Mr Kerry obviously can't see that he is one of the biggest tools on the planet.

Suddenly my head exploded.  I decided to shift gears and write about something else altogether.  Here it is.
My wife is the brightest light in my universe.  She's the very reason the sun comes up every morning.  She's my lover, my best friend, my confidant, but this morning she revealed a very disturbing fact about herself, a fact that, for all these years, I was completely unaware of.  

I would give anything to return to the past, a place where I existed in bliss, oblivious to this fact, but alas, I cannot.  

The forces of evil that drive those who would divide us culturally and socially have breached the walls of my inner sanctum, and I am undone.

The hideous secret she revealed to me?  She likes feta cheese.

I know, some of you may like feta cheese.  Nobody's perfect.  Myself, I like to ride motorcycles too fast without a helmet.  Everybody has some little quirky thing that makes no sense to others.  But I never thought it would come to this.  The harmony and peaceful bliss that characterized our marriage thus far has been torn asunder by this development, and I don't know where to go from here.

Feta cheese is the nastiest substance ever discovered in the entire history of the universe.  It may have originated accidentally in the heart of some exploding supernova, but I think not.  No, I fear it is proof of the existence of extraterrestrial life.  it must have been deliberately created by an evil race of sentient beings that probably superficially resemble cows.   It would naturally occur to beings this evil to join forces with those we see around us who seek to destroy Western civilization.

Sorry folks.  I'll be all right in a while.  Meanwhile, here's a picture of these entities recently captured by the Hubble telescope:


  1. I'm convinced that feta cheese is the source of the adjective "fetid" - my condolences on your lost innocence.

  2. Fetid Cheese is eclipsed by both eggplant and Brussle Sprouts. God maade eggplant purple to warn of its nastyness and there is a reason the home of the EU is in Brussles, enough said

    1. Feta cheese, eggplant, and Brussel sprouts...sounds like one of Michelle's school lunches. God help us all....