Sunday, March 22, 2015

A Christmas Miracle

Okay, I know I said I was done posting Christmas stuff, and I also know it's the middle of March, and I know further that this isn't all that political, and I know I'm not writing as often as I should, but this isn't really a Christmas-y post, it involves the middle of March, and also marriage, which is a political football at the moment, and sometimes life sucks, sometimes it's crazy, and sometimes it's so good you just need to share,

Anyway, two years ago today, I posted a long essay about my wedding day and the events leading up to it, in honor of my nineteenth anniversary. What I didn't write was what followed. I don't want to get too detailed, but not too long afterward, we had something of a disagreement. And by disagreement, I mean an argument that left us ragged and basically not talking.

I remember someone once said that the key to a happy marriage is never going to bed mad at one another. Well, we went to bed mad that night, and pretty much every night for the next twenty months. We barely spoke or even looked at one another, which made for some interesting times. There were actually two vacations where we barely acknowledged each other's presence. Which is not easy to do in a Toyota Corolla and a cheap hotel room.

Yeah, it got ugly.

I actually made arrangements to move out of the house at the end of this past December. I was tired of the cold. Lonely.

But then something happened.
Throughout the bad times, I had prayed constantly for help and guidance. I wanted either a thawing of hearts, or a good opportunity to leave. Every time I prayed for the former, something would happen that would cause her heart or mine to harden even further.  When I prayed for the latter, something would come up that would require me to extend my stay at home.

I fell into major depression and could not climb out. The only thing that kept me going was prayer and the opportunity to go to church each week. I stopped praying for anything other than an end to the suffering, because I saw no hope in this life, none at all.

But in early December, I was made an elder in my church, which two years before would have meant nothing to me, but now had an amazing effect. It's not an exaggeration, and in fact actually be factual, to say it was as though I'd had an exorcism performed. The weight was lifted from my shoulders, and the depression was gone. It was an amazing moment.

Then, two weeks later, I was at the store finishing up my Christmas shopping. I had not planned on getting my wife anything at all. Not a candy cane, not a strand of tinsel, nothing. (I told you the it was quite an argument.) But while I was at the store, basically getting stocking-stuffers for the kids, I heard a voice tell me "Get the Blu-ray set of Charlie Brown specials." I thought it was ridiculous and fought it, but it came back even stronger: "GET THE DISKS!"

So I did.

On Christmas morning, something unexpected happened: She had a gift waiting for me. A book And one that I knew I would enjoy.

It wasn't much, by most standards, but it was enough.

A little bit later, the voice came again: "Hug her."

And I did, and she hugged back.

And throughout the day, there were more hugs.

And then more than hugs.

It was a confusing time for me. As I said, though no one else knew it at the time, I had planned to start the New Year elsewhere. In fact, I was and am still convinced that I was supposed to go long before that, but couldn't bring myself to do it., Because I'm both kind of a coward and kind of stubborn, I couldn't bring myself to make that hard decision at the time that was intended,

And now, it looks like I'm getting a second chance in my marriage.

It's funny, but God ,in his infinite mercy and forgiveness has allowed me not only the chance to remain with my family, but has given me the opportunity to fall in love again with a woman that I, in all honesty, had forgotten was so wonderful. The hardest part of the years of iciness was remembering the affection and good times of years past and imagining they were gone forever; All the amazing shared experiences were past, with nothing new to look forward to.

But it appears we've been given  reprieve, and I glad for it.

We still have things to work out. There are still areas of friction, but for the first time in years, I see a light at the end of the tunnel that I'm fairly certain isn't an oncoming freight train.

And it looks like we'll get to add to the twenty-one years we've already accrued.

Anyway, I think I'll leave with one of "our" song. We've built up quite a collection of "our" songs over the years, but this is one of the earliest, and on of the few that is suitable for this family-oriented site.

And here is a link to one of "our" songs that is not only more recent, but completely unsuitable for this site, work, or pretty much anywhere else, Yeah, it's pretty  extremely naughty, but you'd be surprised how well it works...


  1. I have a buddy who does quite a bit of public speaking and he always seems to find a way to inject this bit: My wife and I have been married for 19 wonderful years, and 19 out of 25 is pretty good.

  2. Thank you. I'm not sure how we made it this far, but it seems to be gaining strength again after nearly ending.

    Oddly, in discussing it with her, she apparently heard the voice before Christmas, as well, and has been referring to the whole thing as a "Christmas miracle" to herself, as well. We have a tendency to read each other's mind that frightens me even now.