Sunday, January 1, 2017

Resolutions 2017

So, here we are again, a new year, a new chance to start over again, and a new probability that we're going to continue to screw everything up, anyway,

I will start, as always, with a review of my resolutions for 2016: Where I succeeded, where I failed, and where I really effed it up.

Number one was to make noise at dishonest politicians, let them know what I thought. I didn't get blocked by too many on Twitter, but I did send Harry Reid a link to the LDS Gospel Principle page on Honesty a number of times. From all appearances, it doesn't look like he read it even once, but soon it won't matter, as this particular tumor is about to excise itself from the Senate.

Numero two was to rant and rave here a little more, which was a big ol' fail on my part, but I'll try to explain that in my response to number seven.

Numbers three, four and five run together pretty well: I have managed to eliminate almost all unnecessary motion from my life, resulting in a nice weight gain. I'm not quite ready for "My 600-pound Life" yet, but I'm better than 60% of the way there. And I have kept walking, like I said, but with a really low mileage total for the year, about where it was the last few years.

Number six, start procrastinating more, I never did get around to.

Number seven, a better job, is the key to the year. I found a better job (actually, it found me), with better hours, better pay and better benefits (and a better boss), with more time for family and church (which was number eight). I have almost every weekend off, most holidays, and four weeks of vacation a year. The kicker is that I have to/get to spend four nights a week out on the road. I get paid for travel time, and have a meal allowance, but when you spend 730a-5p every day working, then have to find someplace to go for dinner, spend half an hour walking, then get cleaned up before bed, there's little time for pretty much anything else. So I didn't write as much as I wished I could have.

On the plus side, I get to travel. A lot. I've been to Southern California twice, all over northeast Ohio, Detroit (ick) and northern Michigan, as well as the greater Louisville, Kentucky area. and in two weeks, I get to fly to Kansas, which might not sound like a treat in the middle of January, but I will be spending a t least one weekend there, which I will likely spend travelling to the Oklahoma City Memorial, among other things. There's always fun churchy stuff to do, almost everywhere I go.

So, this year ended up better than last year began, which goes to show how much good can come of giving up on life and throwing in the towel. Therefore, I am going to make even more dismal, defeatist resolutions this year, because that seems to be the way it works in my life.

So, without further ado:

1). I resolve to find a way to make NP a bigger part of my schedule on the road. In fact, I will try to research and find the weirdest, most extreme, utterly unelectable democRats in the country, so you can go out and introduce them to your liberal friends, as utter threats to the very existence of the republic. If there's one thing we know, it's that liberals don't understand irony, so perhaps they will continue to nominate freaks and losers like Hillary, and eventually, push the party so far to the left that the Republican party looks reasonable by comparison. Then, the Republicans can be the leftist party  in the country, and we can set up a new, more conservative party. Because let's face it, the Republicans are mostly what the democRats were, when they had some, if not much, reason and accountability.

2). Though I have cleared up most of my back pain through medication and supplements, I still resolve to plant my fat butt right here in my easy chair and do as little as possible, for as long as possible. In fact, this new laptop  is so light and portable that it actually sits nicely on my belly (I'm too fat to reach my lap, frankly) and I can put the keyboard three inches away from my failing eyes and type to my cholesterol-clogged heart's desire.

3). Again, I resolve to keep up my habit of daily walks. Mostly for three reasons: I haven't missed a day since February 2011, not even after surgery for my kidney stones, my dog makes me take her when I;m home, and it's hard to hatch Pokemon eggs without actually putting miles in. Although, if you keep the game open when you drive, it will count the stops and starts when you're in traffic. I hatched a Charmander in heavy traffic on the River Rouge bridge on I-75 south of Detroit.

4).I totally resolve to keep up my weight gain until either I get to be on some television freak show, or my heart gets squished too far and stops. Personally, I think either outcome is equally likely.

5).I resolve to put off procrastinating about my procrastination until I can procrastinate no longer.

6).Having more time to spend with my family has had the totally predictable effect that they are utterly tired of spending more time with me. I therefore resolve to spend even more time with them until they are so sick of me that the sick comes out their ears. Too much of a not so good thing.

7).Had I known that the election of Trump would result in such a backlash of whining, moaning hysteria from the special snowflakes on the left, I would have voted for him in the primary. Heck, I would have put his picture in every window of my house. I therefore resolve to pepper Facebook and Twitter with Reasons Trump is Less Embarrassing than Obama on a regular basis. Then I will drink from the fountain of sweet, sweet liberal tears every day, with gladness and joy in my heart.

8). I resolve to do more churchy stuff. My travel has actually had a positive effect on this. When available, I now have Temple and Taco Tuesday: Two great tastes that taste great together. I've seen some amazing things and met some amazing people, and I'm just getting started. Plus, God blesses me when I think of Him.

Interesting aside: I had a meeting on the 26th of August with some of the regional higher-ups in my church. They have a nice way of keeping tabs on members and trying to help people who need help. So, they knew I'd been looking for a better job for years, and that day, for the first time, we all said a prayer asking for a positive change in my employment status. That Wednesday, the 29th, I got a call from a staffing company about a job I had never applied for, though I had applied in years prior at the actual employer, with no response. By the 16th of September, I was hired, and I started the 3rd of October. They gave me an iPhone, a new vehicle, and 20% more annually than I had anticipated. And I don't pay for ANYTHING on the road: Travel, hotel, meals. All taken care of. And I get to keep the frequent user points for the airlines, hotels and restaurants, so I can get free stuff for my family,

All my nihilism and pessimism aside, prayer WORKS. I strongly suggest it.

9). I resolve to keep my promise that I made to my new boss: To be the employee that, when she asks clients and coworkers how I'm doing, they tell her that she made a great hire, Maybe that's not a funny resolution, or as nihilistic as you might expect of me, but I want to be able to lounge COMFORTABLY in this east chair, eating Cheetos and getting drunk on the misery of the SJW crowd until I pull a Bon Scott and go out in a puddle of my own urp.

So, since we have only 20 days until the end of the Obama Error, 2017 starts with a bit more hope, and hopefully fewer celebrity deaths, than 2016 (R.I.P. Princess Leia). Though if we lose a Kardashian here or there, I wouldn't be too distressed.

Have a Happy Freakin' New Year, and I hope your hangover isn't too bad.

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