Thursday, July 26, 2012


How do you make a blog post about abortion funny?  I’m not sure, but I know most of you are thinking… “Funny, Chris why start that now”.  I don’t know why, but I’m gonna give it a shot.

The amazing thing about humans is for all our roads, bridges, and small businesses that Obama has built, we are dumb people.  If you don’t believe me ask anyone what the #1 proven source of birth control in the universe is.  It’s so proven that it has only had 1 failure in the history of everything.  When they can’t give you an answer let them know that its abstinence.  Then watch them laugh at you and tell you how that “just isn’t possible”.  Well it is.  I’m living proof.  Now for longer than I would like to admit I’ve been on the abstinence train, and I’ve done this for a few reason.

#1 I can’t find any one to have “relations” with

#2 that’s pretty much it, cuz hookers are illegal in Michigan.

The one thing that has come from my bout of “forced abstinence” is I haven’t gotten any one pregnant.  Not one single person.  This is a good thing if you think about it.  On one hand it would be nice to have a “little Chris” running around, you know someone I could shape and mold in to the hippie hater we all want.  On the other hand I have a hard time taking care of myself.

Fun fact:  about 2 weeks ago I almost left the house without pants on because I wasn’t paying attention.

Most people would look at this and say, “Well Chris, no need to punish you or that child if you can’t take care of it”.  Well this is bull s*** if you ask me.  One of my biggest pet peeves in society is the lack of personal responsibility.  In the case that I did become a dad my life would be transformed in to a responsible breadwinner.  I would have no choice.  My life would cease to be about me, and about this blob of goo that turned in to a human being, all because some girl was drunk enough, dumb enough, and desperate enough to listen to my lies sweet talk. 

Most abortion baby murder advocates go on the philosophy that because someone has the potential to be a bad mother/father the child will turn out to continue the circle and bring forth a new generation of this.  I tend to think that the more children we murder the more bad mothers/fathers we produce from our lack of empathy.

Most baby murder advocates will ask you when life begins. Well I’m not sure exactly when it begins, but I know when it ends.

Baby murder advocates will point to examples of bad children doing bad things, who live in broken homes.  Then they would say that they would be better off, and those parents don’t need to reproduce.  I say, we all make mistakes.  I would rather have the chance to succeed, than not.

Finally baby murder advocates will say you don’t care about women’s health of you don’t support abortion.  They will say it’s her body, her choice.

OK fair enough, but where is my choice?

If I get a woman pregnant and she wants to keep the kid, I’m paying child support for 18 years.  If I want to keep the kid and she doesn’t, well then I’m screwed as well.  It’s the ultimate in hypocrisy. 

I’ve been running on a bit long so I’m going to wrap this up with a final compromise.  I say we get rid of abortion, however, if you want one you have to sign a paper by 6 months.  After that you carry the baby to term, after its born you look the child in the eyes, if you still don’t want it you can kill it; but you have to do it with your bare hands.  Also the government will pay for it.  There you go, compromise from me.  I will gladly pay for all those abortions.  I’m also going to guess there will only be 1-3 a year. 

So of course I’m a woman hater.  I welcome your response.

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