Monday, September 17, 2012

The Post-Cognitive Convulsive Reflex Test – Part 2

As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series, we have a problem here in the United States with our citizens having difficulty understanding not so much “why” people around the world hate us, but even that they actually do.
This "misperception of motive" is fed by the tsunami of sewage coming from many directions, but in my outstandingly well-informed opinion the two greatest culprits are the “main stream media”, and our “educational” (ha!) system. And yes, in case you were wondering, my use of “fed” and “tsunami of sewage”, though figurative, was intentional and not, in fact, a mixed metaphor.
I mentioned I think we should test all of our citizenry, except for the military, and I suppose that in order to retain my “arch-conservative” credentials I should probably clarify that what I have in mind is a self-administered test, not yet another mandatory draconian federal clustersquish.
Be honest now… You thought I was going to use an obscenity there, didn’t you? Silly reader! The Bureaucracy would never be that pleasant!
OK, back to business...  I give you:
The Post-Cognitive Convulsive Reflex Test
Please read the following list of words and phrases OUT LOUD, and pause to think about each one before moving to the next:
  1. Love
  2. Honor
  3. Duty
  4. Victory
  5. Triumph
  6. Patriotism
  7. Family
  8. Personal Responsibility
  9. (Say this whole thing) Capitalism! - And that’s REAL Capitalism, by the way, not the anti-capitalistic and free-market-killing kind called “Crony Capitalism”
  10. The Constitution
  11. I really love America!
  12. (Say this in an angry tone) No I don’t feel guilty about being an American!
  13. As much as I love you, and I do, you really embarrass me when you say you feel guilty just for being an American. You should really seek help.
  14. Our government should serve and fear the citizenry, not the other way around.
  15. (Say this whole thing) “God Bless America”, and yes, even an atheist should be able to understand the love and intent behind that phrase, and agree with it.
 OK, here’s the actual test:  When reading the above list aloud, did you shiver?
            If “No”, then wait one hour and retake the test. Repeat as often as necessary to bore through the concrete covering your poor neglected soul.
You’re excused. Have a nice day!
            If “Yes”, then was it A) a “quiver” or B) a ”shudder”? 
A)     If you trembled with delight, or felt a quake of righteous might come over you, I invite you to please step over here to the Right.

B)      If you shook with revulsion, your place is over there to the Left.  Go ahead. No, seriously, go over there to the left. Uhm.. a bit further please. Yeah left over there to where the big – what? No, that’s not a “cross” painted on the floor, bless your heart, don’t be silly!  What?  Well from here I’d say it looks more like an “X”.  Yeah... 

Well thank you! I thought you’d like that shade of red!

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