Sunday, October 28, 2012

It's Time to Get Dirty

So now the Obama campaign has found a new scapegoat upon whom to blame their steady decline. Yep. Bill Clinton. Apparently he gave them some bad political advice, and they ran with it, so, Bill’s fault. Regardless, the Obama campaign seems increasingly desperate.  They will be trying all they can to appeal to all classes of voters and pull out all of the dirty tricks.  It will only get worse as November 6 approaches. Leaks from the campaign indicate that we should expect the following tactics in the near future.

·         In Texas, California and most southern states, voting information and ballots will only be printed in Spanish or Ebonics.

·         They’re bringing in voodoo advisors to accelerate their “Bring Out Your Dead” voting initiative.

·         In the Dearborn Michigan area, they have been distributing a new bumper sticker: “Obama and Biden, We C.A.R.E.”.

·          “Accidental” drone attacks in red, rural Ohio voting stations.

·         Increasing the daily rate of virgin sacrifices to Moloch.

·         For a limited time, all early votes for Obama come with a free pack of race cards, good for use in 54 contiguous states and Hawaii.  Alaska and Utah, being chuck full of racists, refuse to honor this promotion and are excluded.

·         They unveiled another new campaign slogan aimed at Korean environmentalists: A Volt in every garage and a dog in every pot.

·         Frantically texting Satan to see if they can get anything at all for Biden’s soul.

·         In a desperate attempt to get the electorate to forget the last four years, they’re attempting to lace the national water supply with rohypnol to give everyone Romnesia.

·         They’re running a major ad campaign in the red areas of swing states reminding everyone to get out and vote on Wednesday November 7.

·         Since the majority of military personnel votes GOP, he’s going to start an ill-advised land war in Asia and set the rules of engagement to ‘suicide’ setting, like they were in Libya.

·         They're negotiating terms to trade more guns to the Mexican cartel in exchange for illegally registerable voters.

·         They’re having the Navy furiously troll the ocean depths for Bin Laden’s corpse so it can be reanimated and Obama can kill him over and over again daily before a live studio audience.

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