Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Let's Help a Brother Out

I think it's time to take a break from all of the politics and help out one of our brothers.  Has anybody else noticed how Walkingdead has been complaining about not having a woman in his life?  Does anybody else feel sorry for him?  Well, let's help him out anyway.  The tension is seriously coming through in his posts.  He needs some stress relief.  The beer just doesn't seem to be enough anymore.

Here is what I am proposing.  Let's flood the classifieds and dating sights with profiles in his name.  I really don't know what kind of woman he's into, so I've written several ads designed to attract different sorts of women that might be desperate enough to give him a whirl.  He'll have his pick of the runts of the litter.  My ads are beneath the fold.  Feel free to spread these around to all the meet-and-greet sights you can, and add some of your own. 

Come on.  Let's help a brother out.

Walkingdead #1 (Contact Me)
Am ridiculously handsome, 28 year old male. Looking for women, 18-22, for snugglebunnies, cooking and housework. Lugging and toting skills are a plus, but lack would not constitute a rejectable offense. Only call Monday-Friday from 4 PM -12 AM, when my wife is at work. French maid outfit preferred but not required.

Walkingdead #2  (Contact Me)
36 year old, 8th level paladin looking for woman to go adventuring and fight the forces of evil. Must bring own costume, spellbooks and spell components. No hobbits or dwarves. I don’t swing that way. Would be willing to go to dinner or a movie (totaling under $20). If you want to contact me after 8 PM, don’t call since you might wake mommy. Knock lightly on the basement window and I’ll let you in.

Walkingdead #3  (Contact Me)
Am Tarooq. Tarooq’s one friend says of me, Tarooq, that am handsum and working hard and would make good in sacking. Have greencard but no visa. Need many womens for sex harem. Must be good look in burka. No fatties or infidels.

Walkingdead #4  (Contact Me)
18 year old male. Looking for that special girl who shares my interests in iCarly, Justin Beiber, finger-painting, sticker books, coloring between the lines, candy, Spongebob and playing outside. Do not like to clean my room, do my homework or take naps, but I can count to 20 if I take off my shoes and 21 if I unzip my trousers. Wanna wach me count?  Also, I have a cool van.

Walkingdead #5  (Contact Me)
Mysterious, 150 year old male seeking boring, angst-ridden teenager for melodramatic relationship. I've been described as tall, dark and pretty. I'm 6’0” tall, 6’10” with the hair. Prefer to go out at night. While I do have a minor drinking problem, I’m not an alcoholic. Slight Viagara-resistant sexual dysfunction due to lack of heartbeat and blood flow. And most of my friends and enemies will want to kill you. Allergic to canines. No Slayers.

Walkingdead #6  (Contact Me)
Single White Male looking for playmate who shares my love of rollercoasters. Must like bubbles, monkeys and monkeys named Bubbles. Open attitude toward necrophilia a plus.


  1. I can make a ham sandwich. Just sayin.

  2. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me... thank you.