Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Reader Submission: Stress Relief for the Election Weary

[Here's a first submission from one of our readers, the lovely Anonymiss...]

Stress Relief for the Election Weary

So the election is winding up.  We've had to sit through countless news reports and political ads and if I get another phone call from the NRA I'm going to shoot someone.  All of this pressure can really take its toll.

So what, do you ask, is a patriotic, but somewhat fed up American supposed to do???

Employ these few stress relief methods, and you'll soon be sleeping like Romney during the third debate. (What? You didn't see that? Whenever he got that look of condescending concern, he was actually sleeping. Watch it again with the volume turned way up. You can hear the snoring)

1-    Go out in the middle of the night and steal all of the campaign posters that don't appeal to you.  All of those competing colors and designs are really not good for the chi; they can cause untold damage.  By the way... some home owners and police officers are opposed to this practice, (obviously they have no concept of Feng shui) so if you get caught, you didn't get the idea here.

2-    When the pressure is really getting to you, insist your significant other gives you a back massage. Massage is good for stress. If you don't have a significant other, get one.  I hear Walkingdead's available.

3-    Go to the nearest Dunkin Donuts and order all they have of your favorite kind. Sometimes this will get an audible gasp or "really?" from the salesperson. Don't let that stop you. Then eat as many as you can. Just don't order the coconut ones until after I leave, because if you do, you'll have more than stress to deal with.

4-    Don't listen to country music. Ever. Enough said.

5-    Finally, if all other attempts fail, you must Zumba. You've never heard of Zumba? For those of you NP-ers who live under rocks, it is a fitness craze that has been growing like crazy for the last several years. What? You hate exercise???  Me too.  But Zumba is not exercise. It's a Latin dance party.  I can personally attest to its election stress relief benefits.  

You remember the second debate?  The one with Candy Crowley where the candidates didn't really answer any questions, but spent the time arguing and interrupting and quoting as many statistics (real or imagined ) as they could?  It's ruffling my feathers just remembering.  Anyhow, after several minutes of this I could no longer stand it.  I got out my laptop and pulled up the debate on it.  I pulled my hair into a ponytail and changed into my workout clothing.  I slipped my favorite Zumba DVD into the player and started Latin dancing like a fool - - just moving like that makes me smile. 

The tension began to vanish as I danced the merengue and the salsa there in the comfort of my family room. The debate was MUCH improved. Dancing makes everything better. And it didn't hurt that the strong Latin beat drowned out some of the nonsense the candidates were spouting. And the fact that the instructor is a lot sexier than either Romney or Obama was just a bonus.

- Anonymiss

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