Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Racist NP Reluctantly Gives In


So, I've already shown clearly how racist Nuking Politics is. Up until yesterday, everyone who blogged here wore jeans with untucked shirts paired with ball caps and SPF 15 to keep from getting sunburned. Today that changes. I never wear ball caps. Keln has finally caved to all of the pressure I was giving him about his discriminatory policies (probably because I've been mentioning the word "lawyer" a lot in my comments recently) and allowed me a spot on the team. He must really be paranoid of lawyers. He told me himself I don't really fit because I don't have a "dude with an unhealthy obsession for bacon" type humor.


Well, that's probably because I'm not a dude. But I do like bacon. Like a lot. Like you should hear the sounds I make when I smell bacon.

" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM."

But I put bacon in the "Things I Would Be Obsessed With If I Didn't Have Restraint" category. There are many things in that category, by the way. Many MANY things. Far too many things. Let me think of them one by one ...by one... ok... that is dangerous. Let's put Paul Ryan back in his category and move on.

Keln was hesitant, to put it MILDLY, to have a female blogger because he was perfectly comfortable with all of his bloggers being just like he is. Why choose to make his life more difficult? Why deal with mood swings, shopping and fashion updates, and incessant inane chatter? (I mean he can get all that at home) If it weren't for the messy racism accusations and the possibility of getting sued by an evil lawyer, he would never have turned over a new leaf. You know what he said having a FEMALE blogger would do for NP???? "BROADen our horizons". That's the exact phrase he used. Wow. Very politically correct of you, Keln.

(What really worried me is that he said Hunter did the same thing for NP. Hunter? Do you have anything to tell us, buddy?)

I now understand the strong need progressives feel for rules. They recognize, as I see now, that people will always be racist unless they're threatened to be punished for it. They know that people will always kill innocents as long as people have scary guns. They'll be fat unless fatty foods are outlawed. They'll drink themselves into a sugary stupor unless we get rid of their soda. People will never voluntarily show restraint. They will do whatever they want whenever they want unless they are regulated. So here's to anti-discrimination rules! I guess those rules got me a job. Nuking Politics, I'm here to make your horizons broad. Just like Obama is here to make our horizons black.

22 comments:

  1. "Just like Obama is here to make our horizons black."

    Also our future.

    Personally, I prefer my horizons broad. There's boobs that way.

    Welcome to the team!

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    Replies
    1. Did you get your AR-15 yet? I think all of us nukers should be packing. :)

      Thanks. Snow White is reporting for duty!

      Delete
  2. Did Keln also mention that he let you on board because I had enough dirt and/or embarrassing videos of you to keep you in line? Now what was that you were saying? Maligning ball caps? And broads?

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    Replies
    1. I wasn't maligning them. I just don't own any. Caps that is. I don't need them to keep my head from burning and...well, I've never actually tried one on. Maybe I should, huh?

      And did you just use the word "embarrassing" to describe those videos? That's not the word you used originally. Wait. Wait. I mean, what videos??

      Delete
  3. I was never much for ball caps either, until I went prematurely billed as it were. Well at least I can blame all my problems on things preceded by the word premature and not fall back on the old racism/sexism excuses. Glad to see you join the team, they all seem like good company.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. They seem to be. For the most part. So far, anyhow...

      Delete
  4. Hmmmmmmm. Soledad O'Brien gets canned from CNN, and then an anonymous female starts blogging here. Coincidence?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have secrets. This is true. I will neither confirm nor deny your allegation...as I am mysterious. Sorta.

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  5. Racism. Hmmmmm. I don't think that word means what you think it means.

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  6. Welp, there goes the neighborhood — and it looks better already.

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    Replies
    1. :) "sweet talk. I like it!" High praise to anyone who can name the movie. It's a tough one.

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    2. I think you've stumped the band.

      Give the lady a 17-ounce Shirley Temple, extra dry.

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    3. Can I have two?? :) Guessing is still open. I'd be really impressed if anybody comes up with it. Maybe I should offer a prize??? It does take place in Washington D.C... and politics/government are discussed...

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  7. So I guess Koyaanisqatsi is right out.

    You'd better tell, the bartender is running low on grenadine.

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha it's a terrible movie called "Born Yesterday" about a rich tycoon who takes his girlfriend to Washington D.C. to buy himself a senator or two. She is a former showgirl who's lack of savvy embarrasses him. He hires her a tutor to "smarten her up". She ends up teaching the senators a crazy song to remember the amendments to the constitution. Silly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmzD-v7xOac

      I love Shirley Temples, btw. How did you know? :)

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    2. That was never a movie, or a remake of a movie. I just dreamed I watched that trailer. Crazy. Need lots of Roy Rogerses to purge my memory.

      Good on ya.

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    3. Sorry! I warned you! Can I have another Shirley Temple too???

      Delete
  8. What, do I look like I'm made of maraschino cherries? Don't answer that.

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