Monday, April 8, 2013

Obama Feels Your Pain

Obama’s been catching a lot of mockery for only giving 5% of his salary up as a token tip of his hat to the sacrifices other federal employees have to make as a result of the sequester.  The mockery isn’t really fair.  Giving back 5% of his salary is only a part of the sacrifice he is planning to undertake to spread the sequester misery around.  Here is his comprehensive, multi-point plan.
·         Only tip waiters 5% instead of my usual 10%.
·         Stop using super unleaded in the motorcade, and use the royal palanquin whenever possible.
·         Sell my blood and seed for medical experiments.
·         Stop having Air Force One idle on the runway while awaiting my return for the flight home.
·         Start food shopping at the pound, and only use the expensive purebreeds for dinners with important dignitaries.
·         Change my Netflix account from the 3 disc to the 2 disc plan.
·         Switch Joe to the generic brand chewable vitamins.
·         Organize the community better.
·         Turn down the heating and AC in the intern office area.
·         Switch Joe to the generic brand lithium tablets.
·         Fire my landscapers and replace them with immigrants who are here illegally. (Is that the PC way to say it now)?
·         One word: Extreme Couponing!
·         One more word: Staycation This Year. Plenty to do in DC.  Give me a chance to learn about those Washington and Lincoln fellas that have all those monuments.
·         Switch Joe to the generic brand hair plug maintenance plan.
·         No more charitable donations except to the Palestinians and the DNC.
·         Start cutting my choom with parsley.
·         See if Michelle can have her clothing laundered instead of discarding and purchasing new outfits every day.
·         Sell Sasha to the gypsies.
·         Start charging Chris Matthews on a per tingle basis.
·         Buy Malia that do-it-at-home orthodontics kit.
·         Pass a law requiring all Americans to buy a copy of Dreams From My Father, and put the proceeds toward myself.


  1. Wait - would that last one count as an individual mandate, or a tax? Dang, where's Justice Roberts when we need him?


    1. It's for his own good, so I'm sure they'll find a way around that pesky Constitition thingy.