Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Concession Speech

The OLD Judge Won? Really?

Thank you. Thank you.

I have just emailed Keln to congratulate him on his victory. His supporters and those who campaigned for his list (i.e. can of spam) also deserve congratulations.

This is a time of great challenges for Straight Lines, and I hope that Keln will be pleased with his bragging rights.

I thank all of my faithful dwarves. (I'm less grateful for the unfaithful ones.) I thank EdthePastor, Corsair and rodney dill for supporting me in the comments on IMAO. (Of course, they didn't KNOW they were supporting ME...but they DID seem to like my lines...and that's kinda sweet :)

The Straight Line, as you know, is at a critical point. With cookies at stake, we can't risk partisan bickering and political posturing. Snow White AND her dwarves will have to work together to judge the people's work.

I want to thank Harvey for setting up the challenge, and I trust that his intellect and his hard work and his commitment to principle will continue to contribute to the good of the Straight Line. Sure, he outlawed lobbying and hinting (and you guys obeyed...what's up with THAT?) and that took out the fun banter part, but it still was time consuming for him and he made this extraordinary effort not just for me, but also for the Straight Line that we love.

And we as commenters also have to rise to the occasion. We look to you for your quiet wisdom. We look to you for your clever humor. We look to you for your obscure pop culture references. We are tired of your YGDFT!YLTATSOTE, but we endure it with dignity.

I believe in the Straight Line. I believe in the people of the Straight Line.

Like so many of you, Keln and I have left everything on the field. We have given our all to this campaign.  I spent the full week working. Keln, 15 whole minutes in the shower.

I so wish -- I so wish that I had been able to fulfill your hopes to lead the Straight Line in a cookie direction, but the commenters chose another winner. And so I join with you to earnestly hope for his sake, that after this disappointing setback, he can still convince me to continue judging the Straight Line.

Thank you, and God bless America. You guys are the best. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thanks, guys.

(Yes, Keln. It's true. You, now, are officially the Obama of the Straight Line)

(reference link)


  1. The straight line be more a guideline, than an actual straight rule.

  2. Keln threw you a curve, even with a solid performance your hopes were dashed.

  3. It's probably just as well, as the Obama administration has deemed the Straight Line of the Day to be intolerant toward those with non-traditional sexual preferences.

    Not that I ever... I mean, ok once at camp... er... what was I saying?

  4. I thought Harvey said this was a gracious speech. You called me a Obama something or other. That's sort of fighting words lil missy.

  5. Okay, kids, joke's over. I know that, Like Harvey, you and Keln are just members of Frank J's overextended sense of humor. I'm not even sure about myself.

    Participation cookies for all!