Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - You Got the Silver, Kemosabe

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

The Worst Part About the New Lone Ranger Movie…

Lors of great lines today! I was going to choose 10, but 2 were lost as collateral damage an unfortunate "oven incident"...so here are my favorite 8:

#8 c64wood: It was way longer than a Kardashian marriage.

#7 blarg: …more people saw the YouTube video that caused all that ruckus in Benghazi.

#6 Bob in Feenicks: …due to the sequester, the horse’s name is Pewter.

#5 walruskkkch: …Hollywood wasted $250 million it could have invested in getting another empty suit elected President. On second thought, that might be the BEST part of the movie.

#4 can of spam :… is that it makes “Dances With Wolves” feel short, “Gigli” to be well-acted, “Howard the Duck” to be well-written, and “Ted” to be family-friendly.

#3 Drew 93 : …Tonto’s aunt is played by Elizabeth Warren.

#2 Dohtimes …Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Tonto is so bad that the Washington Redskins find it offensive.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from rodney dill

The Worst Part About the New Lone Ranger Movie...Keith Richards special appearance as Tonto’s father, Chief MumblesIncoherently.

Cinnamon Rolls to rodney dill!
Thankfully, I have a few cinnamon rolls left. It's gonna be a while before we'll have cookies again... :(

Well...I guess Keln overturned my coup. :(  I had no idea that omnipotence could be so much fun! I sure am gonna miss it. Anyhow...though the struggle was bloodless...it was not without its casualties...But be strong, guys. I'll figure out how to start baking again as soon as I can. We can get through this. 


My favorite NP punchlines:

With Keln having overturned my coup, he will punish my treasonous insurrection... 

#3 Les : ...with...the cushions!

#2 Dohtimes: ...by making me ditch my favorite and entirely functional cookie baking apron for his own personal frilly apron with the sachet pockets and perfume spritzer.

My favorite line was from Bob in Feenicks:

With Keln having overturned my coup, he will punish my treasonous insurrection...by forcing me to toss my cookies.

Cinnamon Rolls to Bob in Feenicks! 

I think you're gonna have to share with rodney dill until I get a new oven. Unless one of you guys has a better idea? I do have that dainty new apron from Keln, though :D


Here's a new line for you to try:

Who would Obama have cast as The Lone Ranger and Tonto?


  1. Jim Carrey as the Lone Ranger who wanted a same sex partner and Eric Holder as Tonto, the Native American who sold all his guns to Mexicans but still has an axe and is not afraid to grind it.

  2. Jon Stewart (who looks so much like Armie Hammer that no one can tell the difference anyway) and Stephen Colbert.


    Al Gore and a Chevy Volt.

    1. Did you know Armie's younger brother works for me? You've probably heard me mention Grammar. He's a nice guy.

      You know how Hollywood types are with their strange names... :P

  3. John Kerry: "Hi-Ho, Silver Spoon!"
    The Blind Sheik: "Yes, Gitmo-sobby."

  4. ...The Rogue IRS agent that targeted TEA partiers as the Lone Ranger, Joe Biden is Tonto -muy tonto- and finally, John Kerry as Silver.

  5. ... whichever two cronies ponied up the most dough. Remember, it ain't about merit or even logic, it's about what Obama can do for Obama.


    ... whomever Valerie Jarrett tells him to.