Saturday, August 3, 2013

Baboon Psychology 101

So apparently there is a large group of baboons in a zoo that has lately been acting very strangely, and it has their keepers baffled.  They show signs of mass confusion, and anxiety, along with hostile antisocial treatment of each other, and the cause is not clear. 

Unhappy Baboon
The zookeepers have ruled out normal sources of stress, like earthquakes, escaped snakes, and so forth, but I suspect they might be responding to the same kind of problems that explain what is causing liberals to act strangely.

For instance, the alpha baboon in the group may not be able to conceal the fact that he is an incompetent doofus, and their frantic attempts to hide this fact from themselves and others, along with a growing sense of panic at the realization that they have handed control to such a poser could possibly give rise to the feeling of hopelessness and confusion that they are experiencing.  

They may be suffering from a kind of fatigue caused by the need to constantly obfuscate the results of the actions, or inactions, of this would-be leader.  They may know that the alpha's incessant tendency to blame his failures on the previous alpha, along with other obvious ruses, was always understood clearly for what it was by the other zoo creatures, but they can't bring themselves to admit it.  

Since he took over as alpha baboon, they have sought to blame resistance to his fumbling efforts on a form of species bigotry.  Other monkey species present who point out his obvious failures are the problem, of course, because their motivation stems wholly from their bigoted fear of baboons.  

Oddly, this seems to work, even though the other animals know it's just a dodge used by the baboons to avoid having to own up to the facts.  The other monkeys have pointed out repeatedly that the bananas the alpha hands out to his troop were taken from them in the first place.  All this will finally sink in when the supply of "free" bananas diminishes to zero, and the entire baboon troop will finally get it.  But it will be too late. 

Something tells me
It's all happening at the zoo
I do believe it
I do believe it's true
Mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm
Mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm....

....Paul Simon saw it all coming all those years ago.......

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