Vampires and Hobbits and Marmots! Oh My!

This may be a beat down on a horse that is dead to most rational people, according to surveys, but the topic is still a convenient red herring beneath the beetling brows of those who are always in need of a fresh supply of squirrels.  

This graph, usually represented as a pie chart, depicts the gaseous composition of the Earth’s atmosphere — excluding, of course, the voluminous, toxic emanations from certain officials and other progressive entities who believe it is necessary to micromanage the populace.

(click to enlarge)

Virtually unnoticeable at the end of the graph is a tiny red line, which represents the actual proportion of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere: 400 parts per million, or .04 percent.

According to the fine folks noted in the previous paragraphs of this piece, the supposed overwhelming consensus of those who are paid to contemplate the climate is that the width of that one-pixel-wide red line is not just one component affecting the Earth’s climate, but that humans’ contribution to it is the most critical factor, and it must be mitigated or eliminated.

When it was first measured at Mauna Loa in 1958, the CO2 concentration was 317 ppm. This means in the past half century or so, the red line in the above graph has widened by ...
about one-fifth of a pixel.

According to various esteemed sources, this increase has produced or exacerbated the following phenomena:

Tornadoes

Hurricanes

Tropical storms

Heat waves

Polar vortices

Drought

Flooding

Rising sea levels

Wildfires

Smog

Earthquakes

Disease

Violence

Terrorism

Bumpy airline flights

Shark attacks

Walrus conventions

(July 2, 2013)
Fewer lobsters

(July 4, 2013)
More lobsters

Let me Finnish

Smaller fish

Shrinking sheep
and fatter marmots

More vampire bats

More vampire moths

And the evolution of Hobbit-sized humans.

This is far from an exhaustive list. Those whose funding depends upon convincing the holders of the purse strings that impending catastrophes can only be averted by reacting to their alarming predictions have a lot of time and motivation to come up with diverse, disastrous scenarios.

Are these speculations based on logical reasoning derived from the measured results of changing climate patterns — or feverish dreams inspired by a Hieronymus Bosch triptych?

Now, some would argue that a small increase in an already tiny proportion can make a huge difference when it comes to things like toxins. That is true. But CO2 is not arsenic. Submarine crews thrive in an environment containing about 20 times the current atmospheric levels. And ... this just in ... plants love it.

As far as the effects of an increase in CO2 on the planet’s temperatures, well, according to the crazy-as-a-bedbug shills for big oil, the Koch brothers, capitalists, and stompers of baby ducks, there has been, uh, no corresponding measurable effect. The number of violent tornadoes has declined. There has been no increase in hurricanes, cyclones, Atlantic storms, or global precipitation.

But pay no attention to the actual data, look at the projections!

Even Wile E. Coyote couldn’t survive a drop from that precipice, and it’s only a few ticks away?

Color me a denier — of whatever they’re selling.

That will be one million dollars, please, Mr. Koch.