Monday, December 31, 2012

Nuking Politics in 2013

So everyone in the blog world is posting about New Years resolutions and the like and I was thinking about that stuff too. One of my big hobbies, obviously, is this blog which I started back in the early summer of this year. I honestly didn't think I'd get this many page views or end up with a still growing team of great people, so I am pretty happy about it and thankful for the help I've received from other bloggers.

With that said, having a small whiff of success I want even more success. So that is one of my New Years resolutions: to make Nuking Politics even better. Like, at least 10% better. Maybe even 11%. That would be great.

So, this post is kind of more for the writers here than for the readers, but since I can't get those schlubs excellent people to attend any form of a meeting, I'm laying out our agenda for 2013 here.

Nuking Politics 2013 Agenda

1. Increase our writing staff by at least 3 people.

2. Increase our content by 50%.

3. Come up with a snazzy logo and catch phrase.

4. Improve our SEO. I don't know what that is, but the internet says you should have good SEOs.

5. Improve our traffic each month.

6. Which makes me more money. That's the goal here people. Money for me.

7. Make at least 10 random leftist bloggers cry about us on their blogs.

8. Get me on Fox News or MSNBC. Either is fine. MSNBC might be more fun though.

9. Build a bacon-dispensing robot that fixes all mistakes made on the site even though we never make any mistakes, and a thing on the side of its head that tells time.

10. Build a pet robot dog. Because every robot should have a robot dog to keep him company.

11. Draw up plans for a new corporate headquarters for Nuking Politics. The old one is getting too crowded.

12. Fire Walkingdead.

13. Rehire Walkingdead.

14. Do this until he stops asking for a pay raise.

15. Begin construction of our own Death Star. Because I really want my own Death Star. And a chair like the emperor had.

16. But with cushions. His didn't seem like it had any cushions.

17. Lobby for a "bacon" button to be required on all microwaves. I eat bacon far more than I do popcorn, and the popcorn button burns popcorn anyway.

18. Start a second blog that talks about how great this blog is and especially how great I am.

19. I have one word for you, just one word: Plastics!

20. Measure exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop and publish it in a prestigious journal of Science!

Alright guys, we have only 365 days to make everything on this list a reality. So get crackin'.


  1. I want a job! Can I be the one to fire wd? And I'll be the heckler. Unless you have a better suggestion...

  2. Dude, I totally want a raise, too! At least 50%. Also, more High Praise.

  3. I can't wait to be fired... its been a while since that's happened to me.

  4. Wait a minute. Blogs can make money? Maybe I should start my own blog. What kind of severance pay would I get if you fired me too?