Saturday, January 10, 2015

Classic Nuke: Redisplay of Controversial Photo Sparks Riots, Vandalism

This was first posted over two years ago, but in light of recent events, I thought it deserved a resurrection (pun maybe intended).

In fact, considering the AP just pulled sales of this photo, I think it;s more prescient than ever, if I do say so myself (which I do!). Perhap it's time Christian started acting like spoiled four-year-olds at the slightest provocation, real or  imagined. What could it hurt, except liberal feelings?

[Trigger Warning: This is SATIRE. If you have no sense of humor you will not like this. If you hink it is disrespectful, you might consider  who the actual target of that disrespect is.]

NEW YORK, NY (NPN) - After nearly a quarter century, the photo "Piss Christ" by Andres Serrano is still a source of controversy among fundamentalist Christians. The artwork, which is once again on display in Manhattan, has sparked rioting in cities around the world, as well as vandalism, including an attempt on  the photo itself. 

In Manhattan streets, rioters made their way from the gallery on West 57th Street to Turtle Bay, where they stood in Dag Hammarskjold Plaza, waving signs and burning the flag of the United Nations. "Death to Azerbaijan!" shouted one protestor, while others called for the beheading of nonbelievers.

In Washington D.C. protestors stormed the Iranian embassy, calling for Irani President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to apologize for the content of the photo, which was created when the artist took a photo of a small plastic crucifix placed in a jar of his own urine. The Iranian ambassador was quickly moved to a safe house, where he was promptly discovered by rioters and beaten into submission.

The photo itself sustained damage when an group calling themselves "Jihadis for Jesus" ran into the gallery with cans of spray paint and began spraying them at the artwork. (Article continues below photo)

The "artwork" vandalized by radical Christians.
In Rome, Pope Benedict took the unprecedented step of issuing a fatwa on the artist. "Itsa outtarageous, thissa guy," said the Pope. " Makin a pitchur ofa da crucifix inna bottle ofa his owna peepee.  I wanna see da heada dis guy onna pole outsida my window. Also da heada dat Snooki chick. Dat puttana makesa da whole country of Italia look bad."

Elsewhere, masked protestors took a photograph of the artist, himself, and covered  it with human excrement. When asked about the picture, one of these men responded, "We actually had a bit of a disagreement about what to call it. It ended up being called 'Dung Artist,' you know, kind of named after his blasphemous garbage. Personally, I would have chosen, 'Portrait of the Artist as a Poopyhead.' In the end, it's all the same: It just let's this guy know  what a piece of crap he really is."

Andres Serrano puts on happy poo face.
The artist, who lives at 443 S. Walnut Ave, Riverside, CA, 92134, was arrested and taken by the Los Angeles County Sheriff Department to the county jail, at 566 34th St. NW, Palmdale, Ca, 90235. A spokesman for the department denied that the action was taken as a punitive measure for his blasphemous picture, but simply because he had a number of unpaid traffic citations. "Yeah, he's totally got, like, a bunch of speeding tickets, for going, like, 80 in a 75 zone, and, like, 28 in a school zone, so he, like, totally needed some jail time, dude," said Deputy Breeze Westerly.

Traffic scofflaw pays price for life in fast lane.

At Royal Oaks Country Club in Las Vegas, where he was attending a fundraiser, President Obama gave a prepared statement: "It's clear, from the events of recent days, that the outrageous actions require a swift and decisive response. Therefore, on behalf of the people of the United States, I apologize for these right wing extremists who, clinging bitterly to their guns and their religion, make our nation a less tolerant place. I particularly apologize to the people of the Middle East, who throughout their long and storied history have been not only the cradle of civilization, but a beacon of tolerance for all to follow. Now watch this putt."

Conservative spokesman Eric Matthews, who no one really has heard of or cares about, said, "I hate to say it, but this is the logical outcome of four years of appeasement and apologies. Christians are learning that they get short shrift from the administration unless they create havoc in the streets. When thuggery results in apologies to the thugs, the logical outcome is more thuggery. When bullying is rewarded, you get more bullies. That is the legacy the Obama administration will leave the nation. Also a runaway budget deficit and trillions of dollars more debt." Mr. Matthews then slunk off to whatever cesspool he crawled out of.

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